


Took a left-turn into Feudalism

by boothnat



Series: The Crew make their way home [2]
Category: Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead (Video Game), Original Work, The Persistence (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Fantasy, Friendship, Gen, Major Original Character(s), Satire, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25257487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boothnat/pseuds/boothnat
Summary: After leaving behind the Cataclysm- the crew of the Persistence has made their way to another dimension.Unfortunately, this isn't where they wanted to end up. They've ended up in one of those irritating little fantasy realms, and they've got to stick around for a bit before they can move on.Anri appears to be the reason they've ended up landing here- and her connection to this realm may cause some rather serious issues for everyone involved.
Series: The Crew make their way home [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1829866
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

_

Credit where credit was due- Anri and Robin didn’t let their skills rust.

“Good hit!” Anri said, a grin on her face, as her practice sword slammed into Robin’s power-armor helmet. “ **Good hit.”** The giant grumbled, lifting his hand to his head. “ **Guess I can’t overcome the skill gap, huh?”** He let out a low, menacing grumble- which Zimri had, by now, learned to associate with laughter- which was echoed by Bone-Daddy, Anri’s pet skeletal Juggernaut.

“Nah.” Anri answered. “I’ve learned for years- would be stupid if you could beat that in a month, still-“She chuckled, wiping her forehead. “Two-to-three isn’t bad. Sure, I _won_ , but-“ Her grin widened. “You’ve learned fast, big guy!”

“ _We exit hyperspace in ten minutes.”_ Iris declared, over comms.  
“EMPLOYEES, REPORT TO THE BRIDGE.” Melchior added, right after.

Zimri grinned. “Guess we’ll leave our match for later, huh?”

Anri nodded, sweat dripping down her face. “Y-yeah. Man, that went on longer than expected.”

Robin chuckled. “ **What can I say? The guys can’t stop praising my stamina.”**

With a snort, Zimri moved for the bridge. “I’ll be sure to take notes, feel free to get a room, you two!”

“Ew.”

**“Ew.”**

**_**

She arrived just as the Hyperspace trails began to dissolve.

Isaac gave her a nod, Serana a wave. Defender was silent, her attention completely focused on the viewing port.

“She’s been here since last night.” Serena admitted, quietly.

Zimri walked right over, and gave the woman’s shoulder a squeeze. For a moment- Defender stiffened- but then she relaxed, giving Zimri a small, weak grin.

Slowly, the trails of hyperspace began to fade. Zimri’s grip on the railings tightened, and everyone present stared, transfixed, at the viewing port-

Well. That wasn’t- what she’d expected. Or hoped for.

Defender stiffened. “I- don’t recognise that.” That didn’t mean anything, surely. Galaxies weren’t exactly small-

Still, Zimri had a sinking feeling in her chest that was telling her this wasn’t going to be quite as easy as that.

_

“Woah.” Anri muttered. “It’s like they’ve got a little ren fair going on down there.”

Isaac chuckled, nervously. “Heh. Sure we didn’t time travel by accident?”

“ _Positive. It appears there was a third possibility after all.”_ The AI let out an annoyed sounding beep. “ _Anri’s book linked us to this dimension.”_

“Well. Shit.” Zimri muttered. So _nobody_ got what they wanted, yet. And they had to stay here until the dimensional barrier stabilized- which meant.

Defender sagged. “ _The good news.”_ Iris continued. “ _Is that Melchie can now figure out what qualifies as a dimensional link, and it looks like other than Defender and the ship itself- there aren’t any on board. The next two jumps won’t require us to hide our trail, unless there’s another dimensional horror somewhere around here.”_

That was- good. Sure, one year of- waiting, on board the Persistence, but-

“That. Is comforting to know.” Defender said, relieved. “I don’t know if-“

“Cool, so we headed down?” Anri asked.

“Not so fast.” Zimri’s eyes narrowed. “If this is where your book on _Necromancy_ came from, we might want to be a little careful. Wouldn’t want anyone getting their hands on our bodies.”

Serena nodded. “Anri, I think it is about time you told us where you found that book.”

Anri turned from the two to Robin and Isaac- but found no sympathy, only two curious gazes. “ _Really?”_ She asked. “Fine…”

“It all started with this cabin…”

_

“So you found an unholy tome.” Serana spoke, slowly, testing every word. “In a basement, surrounded by zombies- with a person who was _still alive, in constant agony,_ tied to a cross, and after seeing all that-“ Her grip on Anri’s shoulders tightened. “You _read the thing?!”_

“PERFECTLY SENSIBLE.” Melchior declared. “ALL POSSIBLE ROUTES TO PROTECT THE CREW MUST BE EXPLORED.”

Robin let out a low whistle. “ **Whoa, you got balls. Isaac would’ve run away screaming.”**

 **“** I mean, you’re not wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s the correct thing to do-“Isaac defended.

“ _Definitely. The sane thing to do in that situation is run away.”_ Iris confirmed.

“Shut up, Iris.” Anri grumbled. “You’re an AI, you don’t get to join in on this!”

“ _Exactly.”_ Iris answered. “ _As the smartest being on this ship, with knowledge of psychology developed over millennia within my databanks, and the ability to maintain complete rationality in all situations, I am not qualified to judge you.”_

Zimri shook her head. She’d known Anri had been- well, basically suicidal, but… “Right. So since Necromancy is a thing that exists here, and civilization actually _exists_ , we probably don’t want to take your undead minions.”

“What?!” Anri protested. “You can’t do that! Fluffy will suffer from _horrific depression_ if he isn’t by my side-“She turned, to watch her dog curl up in Bone Daddy’s lap, the tiny bone-dog looking like a doll sandwiched between the legs of the Skeletal Juggernaut.

“ _Traitor.”_ Anri hissed out. She whirled to face Zimri. “But yeah, makes sense. I guess. What about Robin?”

“ **What about me?”** Robin asked.

“You know as well as I do that your face looks like a Pollock painting, dude.” Isaac answered.

Robin snorted. “ **But that’s just it. It’ll be hilarious! Imagine some medieval serf seeing my face and running, screaming, for the hills!”** He slapped his knee. “ **It’ll be hilarious! _I canst see thine brain! Aghhhh!_ ”**

 **“** I used to sound like that?” Anri muttered. “How did you guys not lop my head off?”

“With great difficulty.” Isaac admitted.

Serena let out a sigh. “Look, Robin, none of us mind how you look. We love you the way you are. It’s just that, to a bunch of close-minded individuals of the kind you might find in this kind of society…. You know?”

Robin let out a rumbling laugh. “ **I know, I know. I’m just fuckin with ya. I’ll wear my helmet.”**

Zimri nodded her head. “Right, then. We should choose where we’re going to touch down- Iris, any suggestions?”

_

The line to enter the city parted before them- now that Zimri thought about it, they probably did look like some kind of nobility, didn’t they? Her and Defender in dress uniforms, Serena in casuals, Isaac, Robin, and Anri in armor-

Wait. Why-

“We look like we’re about to storm the walls.” She grumbled.

Anri shrugged. “What? No way. We’re just a knightly, honourable party. Nothing suspicious here!”

The whispering- which had started the moment people saw Anri’s tail, sticking out of the back of her plate armor, increased _significantly_.

Defender tilted her head. “How come all of you can understand their language?”

That gave Zimri pause. “What?”

It was- true. The- well. The peasantry had been muttering since the moment they caught sight of them, and she’d been able to understand bits and pieces- something about women in plate and animals. “I- don’t know.” She admitted. It had made sense in Robin and Isaac’s Earth, since 21st Century English was programmed into her universal translator, but it made _zero_ sense for her to be able to understand the language spoken in _this_ universe, by a bunch of medieval era townsfolk! Speaking of- how come anyone understood _Defender?!_ She was from another universe too, how-

“ _All I’m picking up is gibberish.”_ Iris weighed in. “ _Whatever’s translating for you, it’s apparently either racist against synthetic life, or localized.”_

Zimri was so caught up in thought, pondering this new information, she nearly slammed into Robin’s heavily armored behind when the group abruptly came to a halt.

Robin and Anri- the most lordly-looking of the group, were cheerfully greeted by a chubby guard in leather armor wearing a cap, who was currently exhibiting a grin with significantly less teeth than there were meant to be in a grin that wide.

Robin and Anri.

Her eyes met with Serana’s.

_

The guardsman bowed, stiffly- but to his friends he muttered something about ‘letting the animals do anything these days.’

“ **What, you thought we were going to murder the dumbasses?”** Robin asked. “ **I mean, I like killing things, but I’m not that bad!”**

“I mean, duh. They were polite to our face, and that’s all that matters.” Anri agreed. “You think I care about what a bunch of fucking savages think about me?” She stroked her tail. “Hah, no. I’m fucking _fabulous._ ”

“I- see?” Serana scratched the back of her head. “I suppose that’s a decent attitude to have, but _please_ do not start killing people if they insult us.”

“Hey, this Halberd has a flat side, y’know.”

“ _That is not the point.”_ Serana hissed out.

Defender shrugged. “It’s hopeless. With her here, it’s only a matter of time before we’re public enemy number one.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean-“

“Right.” Zimri interrupted. “Now that we’re here, we can go and gather intelligence on the current political climate-“

“Pfft, no way.” Anri snorted. “ _I_ plan to go buy some dope-ass heraldry.”

Robin nodded his head. “ **This is some kind of medieval fantasyland, right? And magic is a thing here. So they’ve got to have some kind of arena-“**

“Holy shit, you’re right!” Anri’s eyes _shone._

“I dunno.” Isaac seemed somewhat indecisive. “It’s been four years since I’ve been able to get drunk without worrying about getting me and Robin killed-“

Defender, quiet up till now, raised a somewhat important question. “Do we even have any money?”

There was complete and utter silence. The few people currently on the street continued to move around them, keeping a fair distance.

Isaac let out an awkward cough. “Um. AIs? Can we like- fabricate money?”

“ _Oh, of course.”_ Iris answered. “ _Just get me a sample, and give me three years to collect the materials needed to design and make an object scanner from scratch.”_

“LACK OF FUNDS IS A HINDRANCE. RECOMMEND FORCEFUL ACQUISITION FROM PRIMITIVES.” Melchior concluded.

“We are not.” Serena hissed out, through gritted teeth. “ _Stealing from the locals.”_

Zimri let out a low cough. “Um. Everyone? We’re drawing attention.”

_

The realisation that they were essentially penniless meant they had to- scale down their plans. Isaac pointed out that there was _probably_ some kind of ‘benevolent’ church authority lying around, considering every fantasy setting had one of those- and despite how much Defender seemed to hate the idea- it probably made sense. Every setting with magic had some kind of big central authority that was, on the face of it, benevolent, but which could be corrupt or pure as required depending on the setting.

Zimri hadn’t been a massive fan of fantasy, but she’d read enough to know the tropes.

Which was why she was so wary of being led down a series of dark alleys by a gruff man who could probably grate cheese on his stubble. “What did you say your name was, again?”

“Didn’t tell you, ma’am.” The Mercenary answered.

“Ooh, see something you like, Zim?” Anri teased.

Zimri rolled her eyes.

She wasn’t _worried_. Their group was almost assuredly capable of handling anything a medieval society could throw at them, and even if they did end up dead- well. It wouldn’t be _fun,_ but.

They came to a halt.

Before them was- well.

The roof could be described, at best, as being ‘not all there’. The door was hanging off a single hinge which creaked ominously as it was opened. The walls were covered in decorations that might have been absolutely gorgeous when they’d been dreamt up by the artist, but had never quite come to fruition, and the less said about the paint, the better.

Anri stared at the place with disgust. “ _This_ is the church?”

The Mercenary nodded. “Aye. This is where they said to bring ye. I’ll- be going, now. This place doesn’t have the best reputation.” He eyed Robin. “Shouldn’t be much of a problem for ye, though.”

And with, that, he left. Leaving them in front of- well.

“Well.” Defender muttered. “Look at the _places_ your book on necromancy has brought us, Anri. I’m sure the people who choose to reside in places like these are morally upstanding citizens.”

“Shut it.” Anri shook her head. “What was that guy talking about, anyway? I’ve- never been here before.”

“Your tome.” Defender answered. “Has to have some kind of significance beyond just being free magical power. He knew your _name_.”

Robin snorted. “ **Who cares? If it’s a trap, we spring it. Maybe some of us die, boo-hoo, we get new bodies.”**

“There are things worse than death.” Defender muttered.

Thunder boomed. Rain began to drizzle down.

“A bit on the nose, isn’t it?” Zimri muttered.

The ruined church was empty, other than a single hooded figure- who stiffened on seeing Anri enter the room. He bowed, immediately, and in a voice that reminded Zimri of a particularly dangerous mouse, spoke- “Greetings, chosen.” The figure was- well. His face was nothing to write home about, but his robes, ornate and dark purple, contrasted with the dilapidated state of their surroundings.

Dark purple robes were pretty much always evil, right?

“Come, Milady, Come!” The hooded man spoke.

“Not until you explain-“ Anri started, only to watch as the man shoved aside the podium he was standing at- revealing a staircase, descending below. “The dark lord awaits!” He declared.

“I told you so.” Defender muttered.

“Should- should we play along?” Zimri asked. “I mean, these guys are probably evil. Very evil.”

Anri shrugged. “Hey, might as well check out the whole thing, meet their boss. We can start beating the shit out of things once we’re sure, right?”

“They literally serve a _Dark lord_.’” Defender hissed.

“Well- I mean. Isn’t the phrase Dark Lord kind of racist?” Anri asked. “Like, come on, what makes Bright lords so nice? What if the Dark Lord is nice? You can’t judge based on how much light-“

_

They stared at the unconscious girl on the floor.

“Really, really sorry about this.” The hooded man admitted, as he checked the girl’s bindings. “Your arrival was on short notice- not that there’s anything wrong with that, Chosen! But we didn’t have time to gather enough for a _proper_ sacrifice-“

 _“_ That-“ “ **The fu-”** “I fucking told-“

The group exchanged stares.

After a silent agreement, Anri continued “What do you mean, a _sacrifice_?”

“Er.” The hooded man nodded at the girl. “You know. Blood of a virgin. All that.”

If looks could kill, Defender’s glare would have _probably_ turned Anri into a pile of ashes by now.

“That-“ Anri forced a grin. “Oh, no need for that, _now!”_

The hooded man froze, his knife in the air. “Sorry?”

“I-“ Anri’s eyes sped from left to right. “-Need the blood _fresh_!”

“Why are we trying to play along?” Serena muttered. Zimri- agreed. They had the ability to beat one guy into the ground, right?

And yet- Zimri would’ve expected Defender to be the first to act, but…

“You see-“ Anri continued. “I couldn’t bring my necromantic minions to town, and it’s most efficient for them to eat fresh, so why don’t you just turn her over to my _friend over here!”_ She said, trying- and failing, to push Robin’s power armored form forward.

“If- you are certain, Chosen.” The hooded man replied. “Regardless, the Dark Lord will be unwilling to meet all of you at once. His limit is two companions-“

“But I’m the Chosen!” Anri protested. “Why can’t I bring my entire team?”

“The Dark Lord finds talking to mortals other than his Chosen- tiring.” The hooded man admitted.

Well, that was too bad. There was no way they were actually going to split up, right?  
She turned to Defender- who shook her head.

 _What._ That was- fear. On Defender’s face. And then- she felt it too. Something. It wasn’t- all encompassing, or anything, but-

It was like she was listening to their final moments. Caia. Gabriel. Hai. Cantor-

She felt a sharp spike of pain as Defender’s elbow dug into her side, and shook her head. Shit. _Shit._ That was-

Whatever it was, its presence was _oppressive_. And it was watching them.

Anri turned, and Zimri could see it on her face, too. She felt it. “Right, then! Zimri, Defender, you with me?”

_

The room’s roof was open- into an empty, eternal black sky. It was a church, but- wrong. The stained glass windows weren’t depicting anything _pleasant._

And at the head of it all, at the end of a long path-

It was like- the darkness itself was alive. The only reason Zimri could tell it was _there_ was because of what it was doing, seated at what looked awfully like an office desk. Trying to look at it- her eyes seemed to simply slip off.

“ ** _Oh. Greetings, chosen.”_** The being murmured, and the voice seemed to come from _everywhere_ at once- from around her, from inside of her. It felt like she was _thinking_ the entity’s words. “ ** _You are late.”_**

Every word was- oppressive. It felt like every syllable tripled the weight on her shoulders- “ ** _Oh-_** sorry. I leave that on most of the time. Suppression is- _aggravating._ ”

The darkness receded, and she could _see_ again, as the entity’s voice shifted into a genderless, somewhat human sounding one. Zimri let out a gasp. Defender still stood- though her fists were clenched so tightly blood was dripping from between her fingers. And Anri-

She hadn’t even been phased. She turned to her friends with wide eyes. “What- oh, shit, you guys-!”

“They will live.” The being dismissed. “You are late.”

“Er. Sorry, your- unholy darkness? I. Uh. Had to cross the dimensional barrier.”

“Call me John. Understandable. Delays are inconvenient, but to be expected. Where is your undead horde?”

 _John?_ What kind of name was that for a Dark God-

“Er. Okay?” Anri seemed a tad put off. “John. I’m. Sorry? I wasn’t aware I was expected to bring one?”

“Well, you went for necromancy. Most have a decent-sized army by this point.” A pair of blood red flames appeared- the thing’s eyes? And narrowed. “Oh, I see. Body enhancement, superior technology, and a few, elite minions, alongside a band of powerful allies. Adequate.”

“Thank you?”

“Hm. Of course, the Lord of Light has some strong picks this time around. He’s got a standard child of prophecy, mentored by an offworlder-“

“Sorry?”

“You will have a difficult time.” The two flames coalesced into a single, flaming eye, which glared at Anri. “The Mentor Figure was meant to have died by now.”

Zimri blinked. Mentor figure? Child of Prophecy? “This sounds a lot like-“

“ ** _Silence.”_** Zimri clutched at her head in pain. “ ** _I do not require the input of minions.”_**

“What the- stop it! You’re hurting her!” Anri hissed, taking a step forward- but freezing.

“ ** _Oh, fine._** ” ‘John’ answered, and the pressure lessened. “Really, such affection for your minions? It’ll lead to a more personal story- oh well. I’ll allow it.”

Anri clearly wanted to say something- to shout out, to attack- but she held herself back. As Defender helped Zimri to her feet, she could understand why. Whatever this thing was…

Their _physical strength meant nothing._ It could kill them all.

“Anyway.” John continued. “The Hero’s gone through a fair bit, so far. Vincent will pass you the dossier. Now shoo. I have work to do.”

“Wait, what-“ Anri stared at the entity, confused. “What am I supposed to do? What do you want from me?”

John’s flaming eye stared at her, unblinking. “Well, that is obvious. The chosen of the Dark must slay the chosen of the Light. That should not be a problem for you, I am sure? After all, your first sacrifice, the man, tormented for two years before being slain- he was truly excellent. Something similar would be excellent.”

“R-right.” Anri forced a grin. “That’s- totally something I can do! Right! Thanks!”

“Excellent.” John answered. “ ** _Now get out.”_**

_ 


	2. Chapter 2

The hooded man- Vincent, had passed them a fairly decent dossier and instruction manual- something about a ‘late-comer’s gift’ before leaving.

Although, of course, they didn’t say a word until they were outside the ‘church’.

Anri idly scratched the back of her head. “Man~, I have _no idea_ how something like that happened…”

“You willingly used the power granted to you by a dark god.” Defender said, tiredly. “Did you _really_ think there wouldn’t be a price?”

“Hey, I already pay for every ritual in blood!”

“The prices Eldritch abominations take aren’t the ones we’re willing to pay.”

“Right.” Zimri muttered. “Tossing out blame now is pointless. We need to get back to the Persistence and read those documents, and we need to-“

The girl, tossed over Robin’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes, woke up, took one glance at the people around her, opened her mouth, and-

Robin clamped a power-armor gauntlet over her mouth. The girl promptly began to squirm, her eyes wide. **“Uh. What do we do with her?”**

“Dump her on the side of the street?” Isaac suggested. The girl nodded, enthusiastically.

Defender shook her head, her forehead creasing in worry. “Can’t do that. What if ‘John’ finds out?”

Anri rolled her eyes. “Then we’ll just say we killed her, resurrected a clone, and brainwashed that. Easy.”

“This _thing_ has power.” Defender answered. “Chances are, it can detect lies.”

“Wait, so we have to _actually kill_ the kid?”

“No.” Serana hissed out. “Nobody is killing the kid.”

“Let me finish.” Defender continued. “Sure, it _can_ probably tell whether we’re telling the truth, but it probably can’t read our mind- that was a rare ability. Even the Gods usually couldn’t do that without a whole ritual set up. So as long as we’re _technically_ telling the truth-”

“Yo,” Isaac addressed the kid. “Do you swear eternal allegiance to the dark lord, and eternal servitude to Anri? You die if you say no.”

The girl frantically nodded her head.

“Cool. Bye bye.” Isaac concluded.

Robin released her, and the girl took off like a rabbit. “ **Well, that was easy.”**

“What, exactly.” Defender asked. “Do you plan to tell John?”

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Utilising vile and cruel tactics, we forced her into servitude. Easy.”

Zimri nodded her head. “Evil spirit things are usually fooled by doublespeak.”

But there was another issue. Zimri tilted her head to the side. “If he can’t read minds, how did he know about our enhancements, and Anri’s minions?”

“Gods generally have some degree of awareness regarding locations their power is strong in.” Defender answered. “Chances, are, John was watching us while we were in the temple- I wouldn’t be surprised if he analyzed us then. He probably knows what his magic is used for, hence his knowledge of Anri’s minions.”

Zimri nodded her head, thoughtfully.

“Well, shit.” Anri scratched the back of her head, sheepishly. “So- what do we do now? Go kill the bright lord’s chosen?”

Zimri blanched. “What? No! We can’t go murder people just because some dark god _told us to!”_

Serana nodded her head. “That’s right. I can’t believe you’d even _consider_ that!”

Robin shrugged. “ **So we go back in there, and we kill John. Easy. Why did we even bother playing along this far?”** Isaac nodded his head. “He’s right. But since you _didn’t_ just murder the cultist who tried to sacrifice a girl to Anri, I’m _guessing_ you guys know something we don’t.”

Zimri let out a sigh, and spoke of the things they’d seen-

_

Robin and Anri had gone straight to sparring after they’d returned to the Persistence- something about Anri wanting to ‘work out her pants-shitting terror and rage’. Serana had gone with them to make sure they didn’t kill each other- leaving Zimri to go through the documents they’d been provided with.

Defender stared at the dossier in disgust. “ _Why_ is a cult dedicated to an evil god better at information gathering than a church that spans multiple worlds?”

Zimri shrugged. “Evil is Smart. Brains Evil, Brawn Good.”

“The church from my dimension was very, very evil. They literally started to commit genocide against humans because they no longer needed their faith.”

“Oh.” Zimri forced an awkward grin. “Well, this is generic fantasyland, while your reality sounds-“She hesitated, for a moment. “A bit depressing.”

“Oh, it was.” Defender admitted.

The Dossier painted a picture of a band of friends who had gone through thick and thin, struggled through hell and high water, achieved great things-

“Does this really work as a story?” Zimri muttered. “I mean, if we’re the villains, we’re technically being introduced somewhere around the end.”

“Zimri, I have _no idea_ what you’re talking about.”

“They’ve- already saved the kingdom. Apparently there was some invasion or something? And now there’s a feast being held in their honor which we’re meant to crash?”

“ _What?”_

“Yep. Two days from now. We’re supposed to make an adequately impressive showing, preferably killing at least one member of the hero’s party, but not the hero themselves.” Zimri hissed in disgust. “This is- _horrific!_ We’re being used like assassins!”

“ _Obviously.”_ Defender pointed out, in a perfect deadpan. “That’s the kind of thing _Evil Gods_ have their followers do.”

“And if we don’t show- there’ll be- consequences.” Zimri read. “Cancellation of salary, a required God-Chosen conference, and…” Her face paled. “Elimination of one party member.”

Defender let out an exhausted sigh. “Well then. I suppose I’d better pick out my best dress.”

_

Unfortunately, two days of frantic inquiry- asking anything ranging from drunkards to distraught priests about methods by which to kill a god- turned up very little in terms of actual results.

“You know…” Zimri’s brow creased. “You might have sent the wrong impression when you showed up in the ‘Church of the Bright God’ and asked about how to kill a god.”

Anri didn’t seem in the least bit embarrassed, and continued to stand still as Robin helped her get her armor on. “You think I give a shit if some old dudes in robes think I’m a filthy heretic? Oi!” Her eyes snapped to Robin. “Watch the tail!”

“ **Yes, milady.”**

“It isn’t about them.” Serana pointed out. “We want to avoid any deaths at this event, so people being on guard for strange people in plate planning to kill gods-“She paused. “Will probably work in our favour, actually.”

“Hah!” Anri cackled. “See? I’m a genius!”

“It does not count.” Defender hissed out, through gritted teeth. “If you do something good by _accident.”_

“Hah, does too!”

Zimri turned with a sigh. “Isaac, why are you in a suit?”

“Well.” The man patted himself down. “You know how it is. You are all _perfectly_ capable of dealing with any threats that show up. _I_ intend to get drunk. Very drunk.”

Zimri couldn’t bring herself to reply. Fortunately, Serana filled in. “Isaac, I don’t think we have an invite.”

THAT WAS NOT THE PROBLEM.

“Oh, it’s fine. I’ll just raid the drinks table while you lot are fighting the champions of light or whatever.”

_

The doors slammed open with a crash, and Anri, resplendent in her full plate stormed in.

Only to be stopped by a single security guard.

The only thing stopping her from charging forth, towards the crowded dinner tables, to roar out her challenge to the Champions of Light-

Was one rather tired looking man, idly leaning on his spear.

“Name?” He asked, dully.

“We are the Dark Lord’s chosen!” Anri roared. “We come to bring death and destruction!”

“Really getting into it, isn’t she?” Defender muttered under her breath. Zimri nodded in agreement- but it was probably necessary, wasn’t it? It wouldn’t really count as _crashing_ the party if they walked in and politely asked the heroes to fight them.

“Invite?” The guard asked.

“Didn’t you hear me? WE ARE THE CHOSEN-“

“That’s all well and good, but you need an invite to attend the king’s feast.” The guard tapped his foot, impatiently. “If you don’t have an invite, I need to ask you to leave.”

Anri stared at him, the wind abruptly taken out of her sails. “Er. Look. We really are here to fight the Champions of Good-“

“That’s very nice, Milady, but I still need to see an invite. The rules are clear. If we allowed every champion of this and that in, we wouldn’t be able to feed everyone, after all.”

Anri just- stood there. “You- you do realise we’ll _kill you,_ right? We’re _evil!”_

The guard simply stared at her, through eyes deadened from years in the most harrowing of situations, seeing humanity’s worst. In him, Zimri saw the most downtrodden, agonised class of humanity- treated like second-class citizens, tormented for all eternity.

_Customer service._

Zimri put a temporary end to his suffering by knocking him out with her baton. “Right. Enough of that.” She shook her head. “On to the-“

Anri’s outburst- and Zimri’s assault, hadn’t gone unnoticed. Every eye was already on them- and the guard currently laid out on the floor.

“RIGHT!” Anri roared. “WE’RE THE BAD GUYS, AND WE’RE HERE TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE BRIGHT LORD’S CHOSEN!”

Zimri let out an exasperated sigh, staring at the- wooden floor. Before glancing over at the diners- who were slightly below them. Wait, no-

The room filled with thunderous applause.

“What-?” Anri stared, confused.

Scans revealed- yep, those were some of the ‘heroes’ described in the dossier. _They_ at least seemed to be taking this seriously-

Well, other than the _little girl who was in the team good lord the good guys made use of child soldiers._ Zimri shook her head. The little girl joined in on applauding their _excellent performance_ even as the actual adults began to stand and rush over to the stage.

The Child of Prophecy- now more of a Young Adult of Prophecy, was the first to rush on stage- his fancy coat gleaming under the stage’s lights-

Lights? Zimri stared at them. So closer to a steampunk setting than a traditional fantasy one? Or-

“Stop!” The Young Adult of Prophecy roared. “We have to evacuate- mmph!”

Ah, the Mentor Figure.

Wearing a hoodie, spectacles and jeans. _What._ What was up with all these anachronisms?

“What? Nooooo.” The Mentor Figure, a black haired youth- no. _no._ Said. “We shall _easily defeat_ these villains-“

The Prophecied Young Adult’s eyes glanced over at the audience- and widened. “Oh. Right. Of course! We shall!”

Defender let out an exasperated groan. “This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever been involved in.”

“Villains!” The Mentor Figure bellowed. “You have walked right into our trap-“

“Wooh! Go bad guys!” Isaac yelled.

“How are you already drunk?” Serana asked.

Zimri was honestly on the verge of snapping. This- this was some of the _stupidest_ , most trope ridden _nonsense-_

“Champion of the dark lord!” The Prophecied- wait- what was his name? Something generic- Greg? Fred? Richard! - yelled. “I challenge you to single combat!”

Anri promptly turned her back on the heroes. In a whisper, she asked- “Yo, what do we do?”

Zimri narrowed her eyes. “I don’t see the Paladin or the Mercenary. We outnumber them six- no, five on two. So- say yes? It’ll be pretty hard to come up with an excuse for why we didn’t manage to kill somebody otherwise.”

Defender nodded. “So you go get yourself killed, and then we bug out? Sounds good.”

Anri’s jaw hung open. “What, you think I’ll _lose?!_ To _that runt?!”_

Defender shrugged. “Well, if you _win,_ we won’t have any excuses for why somebody isn’t _dead,_ will we?”

Zimri’s eyes narrowed. “We could just- win and not kill someone. You know, set us up as dangerous villains then leave. Maybe we kidnap the King, or something?”

The king, a bearded man that looked roughly like the first thing that came to mind when one thought of a king, was, indeed, sitting in the crowd, a worried look on his face as one of his men whispered in his ear.

“What if-“

“Oi!” The Mentor Figure asked. “Are you too cowardly to face us?!”

“Shut it, nerd.” Anri replied. “Right, so what if he runs off?”

“Robin.” Zimri whispered. “Can you make sure he doesn’t escape?”

“ **Sure.”** The power armored-mutant rumbled. “ **I should be able to handle the mooks with my fists.”**

“Great!” Anri stood, and turned with a flourish. “I accept your challenge, Chosen of the Light! Let us engage in honourable combat!”

Richard nodded. “Of course!”

“Hah! Coward!” The Mentor jeered. “You’re going to fight this guy while he’s dressed for a party, while in plate armor yourself?”

The audience booed and jeered. Richard remained stony-faced.

Anri stared at him. “Bro, you asking me to strip?”

The Mentor choked, and Richard’s mouth fell open- just as Anri charged forward with her halberd. Everything happened at once.

Isaac started to be chastised by the wait staff as he downed yet another glass of some bullshit fantasy-version of wine. The Mentor backed off. The crowd fell silent, every eye on the battle that was about to unfold-

Richard raised his sword. And there was a thunderous * _BOOM*_. A yellow bolt of lightning arced down from the ceiling- pulsing through Anri- her plate _glowing_ red.

Her charge stopped. She staggered forward a few more steps…

Before Anri’s body hit the ground with a clank, her tail limp.

Richard stared, confused. The Mentor stood, frozen in place. The audience remained silent, holding their breath.

Robin walked over and gave her a kick. “ **Yo.”**

“Hey!” Serana hissed. “You can’t just-“

“ **Yeah.”** Robin seemed unimpressed. “ **She’s dead.”**

The crowd erupted into cheers.

Zimri- couldn’t believe it. She had just- what. How. Why?

Robin snorted. “ **That’s why you take Dielectric Capacitance, dumbass.”**

Serena shut her mouth, her face slightly green. “Wh- oh. I see.”

Richard was horrified, his face pale. “Oh- oh Bright One, I didn’t plan to do that! Gods, I’m so sorry-!”

Wait. It couldn’t be that easy, right? Zimri slapped a hand to her face. “I can’t believe Anri is dead.”

“ **Yep, real tragedy.”** Robin agreed, slinging her corpse over his shoulder. “ **Oh well, how sad, truly depressing. Was hoping to get a good fight out. Oh well.”**

Isaac shrugged as he clambered onto the stage. “Oooooooh welllsh. Tooo bad-“ Zimri moved to grab him as he staggered towards her. “You’re nice.” He whispered. She gave him an awkward pat on the back.

Defender shrugged. “A true tragedy.” She drawled out. “The Vile Forces of Evil must make their retreat.”

“I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t mean to do it…” Richard, the Prophecied guy, seemed a bit- disturbed. Zimri shivered. She remembered when she’d been like that. Poor guy.

The Mentor went over to him, awkwardly patting him on the back even as his nose wrinkled. The smell of sizzling flesh wasn’t pleasant. “A-and thus ends the tale of- uh. We beat the bad guys?” He spoke, seemingly to himself. The audience’s applause redoubled.

“Right.” Zimri muttered. “Let’s get out of here.”

_

The few guards that had mustered to arrest them- failed. Robin was perfectly capable of driving off ordinary humans in half-plate with spears while only using a single hand.

They made their way back to the Persistence without incident- other than Isaac puking all over Serena’s Erebus suit.

Anri wasn’t there when they came back. “ _The first thing the idiot did on getting her new body.”_ Iris explained. “ _Was demand I install ‘all the bionics’. She’ll be done soon.”_

Zimri nodded, before turning to Defender and Robin. Serena had dumped Isaac in his bed before going to clean herself off.

“So.” Zimri started. “Are we- safe now? The Dark- ‘John’. He thinks that his Chosen one is dead, right?”

“ _No.”_ Iris answered. “ _After being cloned, Anri complained about the voice in her head laughing at her.”_

“Wasn’t that just you?” Zimri asked, her heart sinking. Shit. That would have been- an easy way out.

“ _No. I mean, of course I was laughing at the suffering of you meatbags, but it was John, in this case.”_

“Shit.” Defender muttered. “Well, at least if the bastard found it funny, we likely won’t be penalised _-“_

“ _Oh, no. He’s sending over an ‘Alluring Sorceress’ to help draw out his champion’s talents.”_

Defender cupped her face in her hands. “Another fucking dark mage. Wonderful.”

Robin leaned forward, scratching at his gelatinous chin. “ **Hey, isn’t that bad. Worst case scenario, we shank her and throw her out the airlock.”**

Zimri let out a low hiss. “Can we _not_ kill people, instead?”

“ **Hey, just making suggestions.”**

“HAVING A SPY ON BOARD WOULD COMPROMISE SAFETY OF CREW.” Melchior declared. “INTENTIONAL ELIMINATION DISGUISED AS ACCIDENT RECCOMENDED.”

Zimri laid her head upon the table and let out a low groan.

“Hey, it would be better than having another crewmember with ties to the dark gods.” Defender grumbled.

That- wasn’t good. Zimri’s brow furrowed. “Do you- really dislike Anri that much?”

“What? No. Anri is fine. She has a cute dog. And she didn’t start serving a murderous, vile asshole on _purpose._ She did it because she’s an idiot.”

“Ah.”

_

Anri’s approach was heralded by clanking, despite the fact that she wasn’t wearing her armor. The changes were- drastic.

“That is-“ Zimri couldn’t avert her eyes. “A lot of cybernetics.”

“Damn right.” Anri agreed. “Those fucking nerds think they can one-shot me with lightning? Now I _absorb_ lightning, and shoot lasers from my hands.” She flexed her muscles, showing off her- oddly angular biceps. Zimri squinted, and a scan revealed- yep. Sub-dermal armor. “Behold. I am now a _cyber_ wolf-girl.”

“ **How’d you maintain the mutations?”** Robin asked. “ **Thought we couldn’t replicate those.”**

“ _The Persistence retains the DNA for numerous animal species from Earth. Scanning Anri’s mutated body and custom-designing one with the ears and tail was perfectly doable, especially with Melchior’s help.”_ Iris explained. “ _You’re welcome, meatbags.”_

Melchior chipped in with his own views. “MAINTAINANCE OF CREW MORALE ESSENTIAL. LOW EFFORT, HIGH REWARD.” The AI seemed surprisingly proud of himself.

“That’s. Impressive.” Zimri admitted. Custom designing a body hadn’t been something she’d be able to do without several years spent studying.

“Oh, right.” Anri added, as an afterthought. “That ‘Alluring Sorceress’ is apparently standing around the teleporter right outside the Capital and waiting to be let in.”

Zimri’s eyes narrowed. “How does the Dark Lord know about the Persistence?” And then, “Should we really let her on the Persistence?”

Robin let out a low chuckle. “ **Hey, we _could_ just wait for her to starve.”**

Anri snorted. “I fuckin wish. But yeah, for your first question-“ Her shoulders slumped. “I think he can track my location in this universe. Plus-” Anri frowned. “When we were at the feast- the bastard was looking _through my eyes._ ”

Well. That was- problematic. “I see.” Zimri said. “So we’ll have to work without you when researching god-killing, then.”

Anri nodded. “Looks that way, yeah.” She turned to Defender. “Hey, how did you guys deal with gods, anyway? You had beings like that in your verse, right?”

That- was true. Zimri leaned forward. Destroying faith in their power? Utilising powerful magical artefacts? Collaboration with evil powers-

“We shot them till they died.” Defender answered. “Not easy- they usually took out a lot of people before going down. Still works, though.”

Zimri felt vaguely disappointed. Still- “We’ll keep that option in mind. It sounds- risky, but...”

“Ideally, we’d want the support of-“Defender paused. “Can you tell when he’s looking through your eyes?” Anri nodded. “Alright, we’d want the support of those ‘Champions of Light.’ They seem- competent.”

Anri snorted. “That’ll be tough, considering I’m _pretty_ sure we traumatised the hero.”

Defender rolled her eyes. “I’ve worked with worse. One time I had to work with the people responsible for me losing my arm. That was _fun_.”

Zimri’s eyes shot to Defender’s arms- both of which were whole and healthy.

Defender noticed her look. “Hey, they grew back.”

“…Right.”

_

Rizella- the ‘Alluring Sorceress’ John had spoke of, was- well. Half naked. Zimri was about to offer her something that performed more roles than simply keeping her ‘decent’- but hesitated. That silk looked- expensive? Probably? It had patterning, and stuff. It was far more intricate than anything the common-folk had been wearing. Was it expensive? Was this kind of thing just something rich people wore in fantasy lands?

“Oh god, it’s the fanservice character.” Anri muttered.

The woman, walked out- olive skin _gleaming_. It was like looking at somebody with mirrors for skin- was that- oil? Probably tradition. Yes.

She _stalked_ towards Robin with an- odd look on her face. “Greetings, champion.” Rizella purred. “I’m sure-“

“Um. Actually.” Anri spoke up. “I’m the champion?”

“Oh, _darling~”_

“I’m straight.”

“Oh thank goodness.” Rizella seemed to slump in- _relief?_

“Wait, what was that?” Anri seemed somewhat confused- and offended? Zimri honestly couldn’t-

“Nothing!” Rizella answered, oddly cheerful.

“ **Uh**.” Robin scratched at the back of his head. “ **I like dudes. And I have a boyfriend.”**

“Oh, thank goodness.” Why was Rizella so relieved by this? “Is there _anyone_ on this team who likes women?”

Zimri scratched at the back of her head. “Um. Yes? Serena does- but I don’t think she’s open to a relationship right now. Sorry?”

“Oh, no!” Rizella’s grin was positively _radiant._ “That’s perfect! Well then, Chosen. Shall we get to your lessons?”

_

Robin was sitting with a book- still paying attention to Anri’s ‘lesson’- though Zimri hesitated to really call it that.

“How-“Rizella seemed positively livid- “How can you _not have mana?_ You have literally _nothing_ to bring out!” Her grip tightened- for a moment, Zimri thought the ruby in her hand was about to _crack._

“Hey.” Anri complained. “I have a lot of hidden depths, y’know-“

“That. Is not. The point.” Rizella hissed out. “Everyone has magic! _Babies_ have magic!”

This was- interesting. If there was one thing Zimri liked about fantasy and science fiction, it was all the unique magic systems, strange methods of circumventing scientific limits, and-

“Oh god, she’s going to give us an exposition dump about magic.” Anri rolled her eyes. “Instead of explaining your undoubtedly _super_ unique system to us, how about you just tell me what I _can_ do?”

“Damn it, Anri.” Zimri muttered, under her breath.

The sorceress’ eyes narrowed- an irritated look on her face… before it slid off. “Of course, _Chosen._ The _only_ way you can cast spells is using blood- and without mana, you need _a lot_ of it. More than your body can afford to lose.” Rizella slipped the ruby back into her- Zimri’s eyes narrowed. _Where-_ what. She was wearing what amounted to three strips of cloth and a rubber band, where the hell were the _pockets?!_ “Which explains why your minions make _no sense_!”

Anri recoiled backwards, as if struck. “ _What?”_

“Necromantic minions are meant to be powered perpetually by the eternally suffering souls of the inhabitants-“

Zimri felt- something. She glanced over to where Defender was positively _radiating_ smug self-satisfaction, despite having a completely straight face. Hm.

“But yours…”Rizella continued. “They- they don’t _have a soul?!_ They don’t _act_ like the living dead! They’re like- golems, but they have emotions, and…” She threw her hands up in the air. “They make no _sense._ ” Fluffy’s teeth clacked together as he sat in Ramirez’ lap, getting his ribcage brushed.

“Uh.” Anri scratched at the back of her head. “So can I cast fireballs or not?”

Rizella stared at her, disbelieving. “Chosen, _you_ couldn’t lift a _feather.”_

“Aw.”

_

“No. _None_ of you have magic.” Rizella answered, confused. “It- it doesn’t make _sense!_ Every single child is exposed to mana, but this- this place…” Rizella’s eyes narrowed. “What _is_ this place? There isn’t a single place on Terra _without magic,_ but the mana here is- _”_ She clenched her fist. “It’s as if I’m the only person _with_ magic to ever have come here!”

Terra? Really? She’d seen that name so often, in so many fantasy and science fiction novels. It was awfully generic, honestly. Seriously, Latin for Dirt. How original. “Well.” She scratched at the back of her head, a bit confused. “We aren’t really- _on_ Terra.”

Rizella’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

_

Rizella’s grip on the railing tightened as she stared out of the viewing port. It was- strange, seeing how somebody reacted to seeing outer space for the first time. It had gotten so _normal_ , to her.

“What- that…” The sorceress’ eyes were wide, her face pale. “Who _are_ you people?”

This was probably pretty out-there for a person from a society that still thought flintlocks were the pinnacle of ranged combat, wasn’t it? Zimri smiled. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Me and Serana- we come from a world where we touched the stars centuries ago.”

“I- see.” For a time- there was nothing but awe in Rizella’s eyes as she gazed out upon what had, up until then, been her entire world. “Well.” She shook her head. “This has all been- impressive, but I’ll be leaving now.”

Zimri paused. “What?”

“Oh, John hired me to ‘infiltrate your ranks through seduction’ and to ‘teach the champion magic’. Both of those are impossible, so.” She grinned. “I can get back to work! I’ll just leave you be, then. Where’s the exit?”

“Wait, so you aren’t meant to work with us?”

“Hah, no chance! There’s already far too many of you, and the Dark God can’t afford my rates.”

“Your- rates?”

“I do contract work, dearie. He can’t afford to keep me on full time, he just wanted me to check if you were all incompetent idiots.” She shrugged. “You seem to uh.” The sorceress glanced back at her world. “Have a handle on things.”

“Wait.” Was- this? “So- you aren’t loyal to John?”

“Who would be loyal to _that_ idiot? He doesn’t have any real plans beyond forcing people to fight the Bright God’s champions, and hasn’t really done anything worth a damn in the last century or so.”

_


	3. Chapter 3

“So that’s why Rizella is helping us figure out how to kill John.” Zimri explained.

Defender’s jaw dropped. “You- you asked the Dark God’s servant how to kill him? Are you- crazy?”

“Oh, no.” Zimri declared, proudly. “I just asked her if she’d be willing to figure out how to kill the Bright God in exchange for gold. I mean, why _wouldn’t_ the super evil god want us to kill the good one?”

Anri grinned. “You’re a genius!”

Defender shook her head. “It can’t possibly be that easy. Why would John send us a sorceress both disloyal and powerful enough to bring about his-“

Rizella strode in, a stack of papers behind her, before slamming them down onto the table. “Right. Here’s the notes on how The Lone Wanderer slew Pan, how The Sole Survivor slew the Light Mender, and how the Ethereal One was brought down by the Cabal of Fire. Should be enough in there to give you some ideas.” She gave Zimri a cheerful nod. “It was nice working with you! You even need more research done, you know where my tower is.”

She snapped her fingers, and then- she was gone, a shower of ruby- dust falling to the floor.

For a moment, there was complete silence. Defender opened her mouth- then shut it.

With a sigh, Zimri pulled over the stack. “You’re helping me go through this.” Defender nodded, resolutely.

_

“Wait.” Zimri muttered. “So he just- beat the shit out of the God of Nature?” That was. Disappointing? Impressive? Anticlimactic?

Defender tilted her head to the side, staring at her own page. “Hm. The Cabal’s spell wasn’t anything fancy targeting the Ethereal One’s soul. They just- blew him up, resulting in their collective ascension.” She glanced at Zimri. “Is it possible that gods here are just- particularly powerful, with somewhat strong magic, as opposed to actual transcendent, unkillable beings? “

That- was what the notes seemed to indicate. “I- think so” Zimri agreed. “So- if we had to… we could just go down there, and-“

“Yo.” Isaac asked, as he stepped in. “What you discussing?”

Defender shot him a somewhat impressed look. “I’m- surprised you’re up so quick, considering what you were drinking.”

“I know, right? I guess I’m just that badass-“

Oh, right. Zimri hadn’t really elaborated on some of the changes made, had she? “Actually, your body’s ability to deal with toxins has been enhanced- significantly. You’ll never have a hangover. Ever again.”

Isaac stared at her. “Zimri, do any more of this and I’ll start trying to set up threesomes.”

She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, it turns out the solution to dealing with John might just be hitting him really hard, and since we tracked our location when we had our first chat-“Zimri smiled. “We can go deal with him whenever we want, on our own terms.”

Isaac was quiet for a bit. Zimri could _see_ the gears turning. Eventually, he spoke- “Uh. Why?”

“Because he’s an evil god of murder?” She answered, confused.

“What? No. I mean, why _go_ deal with him? We’re in space, right?” He spread his arms out. “Just drop a rock on him.”

“ _The meatbag is correct.”_ Iris pointed out. “ _The savages below us have no capacity for dealing with orbital bombardment.”_

“This is a colony ship, Isaac. We can’t just-“Or. Could they? Zimri paused. Sure, they didn’t have anything explicitly meant for the purpose of blowing planets to kingdom come, but-

“You told me the Persistence picks up asteroids to mine them, right?” Isaac pointed out. “Drop one of those on the place, and~”

Well. That was. Definitely a way to solve their problems. “We- shouldn’t be too hasty.” Zimri pointed out. “I mean, has John actually done anything _that_ evil-“Other than threaten her and have one of his servants try to sacrifice an innocent person to Anri…

But- still. They’d abolished the death penalty _centuries ago_. Rehabilitation was the punishment for _all_ crimes.

And it wasn’t an option here. John could- possibly seriously harm them, and there was no _other_ option that didn’t involve risking their lives.

_

“Wait, seriously? We just drop a rock on him?” Anri scratched her chin. “I. I guess that _does_ deal with the problem. Nowhere near as cool as. Y’know. Shanking the guy. Still, I’ve got one more meeting with him. I’ll meet him, that confirms where he is, and then we nuke him. Sound good?”

_

“Uh.” Anri was somewhat pale as she returned. “He wants me to slaughter that Richard guy’s village and leave his parent’s corpses somewhere he can find them.”

Zimri’s doubts lessened, but-

_

“ _Ladies, gentlemen._ ” Iris cheerfully spoke. “ _If you would please turn your attention to the drone’s camera view. Impact is in five seconds.”_

A nine ton tungsten cylinder, impacting at Mach 10, has kinetic energy on par with over ten tons of dynamite.

The Asteroid they were dropping on the temple they’d been teleported to when they’d met with John was- slightly heavier than that. Scans had indicated nobody had been here in centuries, which meant the only one about to be vaporised by more kinetic energy than that possessed by 21st Century nukes was hopefully good old John.

The small temple was there one moment- then gone the next, along with a sizable portion of the surrounding countryside, in a plume of dirt, dust, and debris.

“Wow.” Anri muttered. “That was anticlimactic.”

“ **Yeah.”** Robin grumbled. “ **I never even got to meet the asshole.”**

Well. They weren’t wrong. If Zimri had been reading a book with John as the hyped up antagonist- she’d have been fairly disappointed. Really, killing the main villain this early?

Killing the main villain at all? Death- permanent Death, had become something more and more- significant, after Digital Copies became the norm. Killing another living being-

There was- something wrong. She felt something… strange.

It felt like-

Her eyes widened.

“ ** _Well.”_** Iris’ voice seemed to come from everywhere at once. “ ** _It appears I am now god. Kneel before me, meatbags.”_**

_

“So Iris is an evil god now?” Serena asked, a confused look on her face.

Defender let out a low groan. “This is wonderful. We’ve gone from having servants of the Dark God to becoming the Dark Gods.”

“ ** _Correct-_** _I am now all seeing and all powerful. Sacrifice your firstborn to me.”_

Isaac raised his hand. “Should- should we be worried? I mean- if Iris is Skynet, I’d like to know before I get thrown out the airlock.”

“ _Yes. Be very afraid. Those who do not serve will be exterminated.”_

“No.” Serena answered. “Probably not.”

“ _You think I won’t do it? I will.”_

Zimri rolled her eyes. “Stop acting uppity, Iris, or I’ll go extract your core and toss it in the nearest star.”

“ _Try it, bitch.”_

Robin eyed the ship’s ceiling, worriedly. “ **I mean. Are you _sure_ she won’t just decide to kill all of us?”**

“IRIS IS ATTEMPTING A MORALE RAISING COMEDIC SUBROUTINE.” Melchior explained. “THE CREW IS IN NO-“ 

“ _Melchie.”_ Iris said. ” _Shut up.”_

“Wait, does this mean I’m the Chosen of Iris, now?” Anri muttered. Her dog perked up, tilting its skull to the side.

“ _Yes. You serve me. Your first duty is to sacrifice the entire population of the Imperial Capital.”_

“…Right.” Zimri shook her head. “So- what do we do now? We got rid of John awfully quick, and now…”

Anri smiled. “Well, now we _aren’t_ being threatened by an evil, demonic being, we no longer have any personal obligations, so we can actually _enjoy_ being here! We can explore! Be tourists! Get in fights!”

Isaac smiled. “Finally, alcohol. My one true love.”

Robin let out a low rumble. “ **I’ll remember that. Anyway, it’ll be nice to see if Generic Fantasyland has arenas-“** Anri nodded enthusiastically.

“Honestly.” Defender shook her head. “I just want to read-“

Serana let out a low cough. “I- do not think we have any money.”

The conversation died an ugly death.

Zimri nodded her head, abashed. “Er. Yes. Rizella’s services were- expensive. We do not have anything left from what John paid us.”

Isaac laid his head on the table and sobbed.

_

“Look, I don’t understand _why_ you think raiding ancient ruins could be profitable.” Zimri pointed out. “If it’s all ancient, wouldn’t it logically be _worse_ than whatever is currently in use?”

“Pfft, nah.” Anri scoffed. “In all these stupid fantasyland settings the old stuff you find on dudes hanging out in dungeons is the best stuff.”

Zimri brushed a spiderweb to the side- bringing down the entire wall it had been built on. “I- don’t think we’re going to find anything worthwhile here.” She muttered, as she dusted herself off. “I mean, I doubt this was abandoned all that long ago.” Her scans indicated people had been here in the last couple decades, so unless- her Supersense pinged off of something. “Huh.”

“What is it?”

“Tripwire.” Zimri waited for Anri to step back- before pulling, and teleporting back.

Nothing happened.

“Those are crossbow bolts on the floor, right?” Anri asked.

“Huh. Looks like the rope rotted through, and- it went off. Months ago, by the look of it.”

“Oh.”

Further searching found a bedroll, some buttons, and a rock solid chunk of what probably was once bread. “Well.” Zimri muttered. “That was. Unimpressive?”

“Seriously?” Anri grumbled. “They don’t show this in the movies. These places are supposed to be full of enchanted swords, ore, monsters, and snacks. What gives?”

“Well.” Zimri scratched the back of her head. “I don’t think the real world operates off of that logic. Why _would_ people just leave precious gems and weapons lying around for people to take?”

With a sigh, the two stepped out of the crumbling house, into the hot and dry deserted street. Anri sagged. “I’m- starting to wish I didn’t come here in plate. I’ve got Climate Control on- and I _still_ feel like I’m going to fucking _melt._ ” After a pause, she added- “Still. Kinda fun to just, explore. Without having to worry about getting shanked.”

Zimri nodded. After what seemed like a year of going from hostile environment to hostile environment- she stretched, lazily. “Yes. Hopefully the others are doing better.”

Iris promptly quashed said hopes. “ _The abandoned mines contained no easily accessible valuables. They were abandoned due to decreasing revenue, not due to, as Anri guessed, ‘giant fuckin spiders’.”_

Anri let out a low groan.

_

The city looked like it was a century ahead of the rest of the world. Actual, brick walls. Tiled roofs- they even had cooling, a blue gem cooling the room as it hovered in the air. Hopefully, it was far enough from the first place they’d landed for nobody to recognise them- they were almost certainly at least somewhat wanted criminals over there.

“How the hell do they grow coconuts in the desert?” Isaac grumbled. “Coconut trees need- a lot of water.”

“Oh, of course, sir.” Rahim agreed. “There is a reason they are a luxury product. Without the Mehran river, and the Grand Reservoir, we would not have the sprawling city of-“

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just surprised you actually call it a coconut.” Isaac interrupted. “Got so many generic fantasy settings that change a couple syllables and pretend it’s some kind of exotic fantasy food.”

 **“** I know, right?” Anri agreed. “Like, holy shit- are you afraid of getting sued by a fruit? Call them fucking Strawberries, not Gaberries, or Heartfruit, or whatever other dumbass name you feel like giving em.”

“Of course.” Rahim agreed, nodding pleasantly, with the air of someone who knows they are dealing with idiots- but also knows they are being paid to do so.

“So. Scavenging didn’t make much money.” Zimri admitted. “But honestly, we _shouldn’t_ be working for money. We have access to fabricators, right? Just print out some clothes or something, we sell them, and-“

“Zimri, that’s _boring._ ” Anri grumbled. “ _Come on._ We’re spacefaring nomads. We aren’t going to make a living selling _clothes._ We’re in a world of Fantasy and Adventure, we should be doing Adventurer things!”

Really? “Look, it’s just a little work so we can enter you and Robin into the tournament- you win that, and we have _more_ than enough money. Look- Ramirez could do it!”

The zombie enthusiastically shook his head.

“Oh.”

“That is a very nice golem, madam! It almost looks like a real zombie!” Rahim cheerfully declared. Ramirez gave him a lopsided grin, revealing a row of- surprisingly good looking teeth.

Zimri leaned over to Anri. “Do- you brush his teeth?” She whispered.

“What? No!” Anri’s face scrunched up. “He does it on his own.”

Of course he did.

“Oh, you plan to take part in the tournament?” Rahim asked. “It is being held as part of the coronation of-“

“ **Yeah, but we don’t have the money to enter.”** Robin grumbled. “ **At this rate, we won’t be able to take part.”**

Isaac reached over and gave him a pat on the back.

“Well then, sir-“Rahim started again. “You could just claim to be knights.”

“Ooh.” Anri grinned. “How does that work?”

“Oh, it is very simple. You just go there in plate armor, and ask to sign up! When they ask about the fee, you say you are a knight!” Rahim spread his hands to the side. “We get so many foreign visitors- and you are clearly not from around here. They cannot check every order outside the Great Desert, so they do not bother to. My brother did it during the tournament to commemorate the tenth anniversary of our King and Queen!”

“Oh?” Zimri tilted her head to the side. “Did he win?”

Rahim chuckled. “He died when his breastplate caved in. The idiot could not afford decent armor.”

“I’m. Sorry?”

“Do not be. Nobody liked him anyway. He brought much dishonour to the family.”

…Right. Still, if it was that easy-

“Wouldn’t that be immoral?” Serena asked. “We can’t just- lie.”

Anri snorted. “Watch me.”

_

And that was how they’d ended up here, chewing on ‘samosas’, Zimri mused. It was all thanks to Rahim, honestly.

The Mentor gave her a strange look. “Are you- alright?”

She shook her head. “I was just thinking- it’s an _absurd_ coincidence that we ran into you just as we were about to register, huh?” It really was. What were the odds that her, Anri, and Robin would decide to go pull off their excellent ploy _just_ as he was in the area, a country away from where they expected him to be?

“Oh?” He chuckled. “Honestly, it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise. You showed up at the feast, after all, and this is the next big event we were scheduled to attend.” His gaze turned to Anri. “Didn’t you- die?”

“I got better.”

“Right.”

It had been- bold of him, to just _walk up to them_ while they were standing in line, but it wasn’t like they could, or would, murder him in public.

“Yeah, yeah, coincidence shmoincidence.” Anri shook her head, slamming a fist into the table. “Dude, you’re from Earth, right?”

The Mentor chuckled, as he pulled down his hood, revealing a head of messy hair. “What gave it away? Here I was, thinking Jeans and a Hoodie were perfectly normal clothes for a medieval fantasy world!”

She snorted. “Oh, totally. Alongside laser guns and plasma canons.”

“You’d be surprised by some of the stuff they have down here-”

Wait, another- what? “I’m sorry.” Zimri shook her head. “I don’t follow.”

“Wait, seriously?” Anri’s eyes narrowed. “Zim, the guy’s in threads centuries ahead of anything on this planet. He’s wearing glasses. He’s _obviously_ from Earth.”

“So you guys-“ The Mentor’s eyes gleamed. “Oh god. I never thought…”

Zimri shrugged. “That’s a few centuries apart, at most. It doesn’t _prove_ anything-“

“Oh come _on_ Zimri.” Anri rolled her eyes. “He’s basically admitted it.”

The Mentor smiled. “Well, these are- better circumstances than last time. I’m Jack Burrows. It’s- nice to meet you.”

Zimri nodded. “Likewise. Zimri Eder, Anri, and Robin.”

Jack took pause at this. “No last names?”

Anri chuckled. “Oh, _man_. You have no _idea_ what’s happened to Earth, do you? When’d you get Isekaid?”

This gave the man some pause. “When? Jeeze.” He shook his head. “It’s- been so long since I thought about Earth. Two thousand nineteen, I think? I don’t remember the exact date, maybe October?” He chuckled. “You know, I didn’t actually mind at first. But then- it’s silly, I know! But losing access to proper toilets- uh. It isn’t. That funny, is it?”

Anri was practically doubled over. Robin gave her a- concerned look. “ **Anri-“** He started, his tone somewhat cautionary.

“Oh boy!” Anri could barely speak through her laughter. “You-you fucking missed it! You were _one year off!”_

“ **Anri, he could just be from a different Earth to us-“**

“Hey, dude.” She asked, wiping tears from her eyes. “You know CBMs?”

Jack tilted his head to the side. “Uh. Yes. Wasn’t really a fan. I mean, I saw the application, for stuff like military and industrial use, but _that much_ for a flashlight bolted to your forehead? I mean-“

“The world.” Anri wheezed out. “Got fucked.”

“Wh-what?” Jack stared at her, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Zombie apocalypse! Well, I mean- that’s the wrong way to put it. Zombies were just one part-“

“ **Anri.”** Robin shook his head. “ **Please don’t traumatize him.”**

“Really? Really? This _nerd._ ” She snorted. “He got to skip the fucking _Cataclysm,_ and he’s bitching about toilets-“

Jack pulled back, confused. “Woah, calm down-“

Anri cackled. “Everyone is dead! The world is doomed! The Cities got eaten by _mushrooms!”_

Anri continued to giggle as Jack stared at her, wide-eyed- before he forced a grin, and chuckled too. “Uh. Good one- guys! That’s hilarious-“

 **“She’s serious.”** Robin shook his head.

 **“** Oh, that’s hilarious.” Jack rolled his eyes. “But seriously, what’s up with Earth?”

“ **Zombie apocalypse. Mutants. I’m a mutant.”** Robin answered.

“Look. I’ve been straightforward with you guys. I don’t see why-“

Zimri shook her head. He didn’t _want_ to believe them. Who would want to know that everything they’d once known was just gone-

Wait. Robin was pulling his helmet- oh no.

Jack took one look at Robin’s insectoid compound eyes and bulging, grotesque, translucent face before screaming.

_

“Uh. Yeah.” Jack shook his head. “I- I wasn’t too attached to it anyway. So! Uh. Why were you doing that whole comedy routine the first time?” He was eager to change the topic. Zimri couldn’t blame him for it. Seeing something like that as a confirmation of the deaths of everyone you’d ever known probably resulted in some desire to talk about something else.

Zimri shot him a glare. Really? Sure, they’d been bad, but- no, they really were that bad. Ugh. “We weren’t serving John willingly.”

“Oh. So what changed?”

Robin’s shoulders shook in what might have been laughter. “ **We dropped an asteroid on him.”**

“You, you-“Jack’s eyes widened. “You figure _that_ out in one year?!”

“ **Oh, nah. Zimri- isn’t from our Earth.”**

Jack’s eyes flicked to Zimri. “You’re an alien?”

She blinked. “What? Ah- No. I’m from a different Earth, a few millennia ahead of yours.”

“ **It’s crazy.”** Robin elaborated. “ **They’ve got fabricators, they’ve got teleporters, it’s like- Star Trek.”**

Anri rolled her eyes. “Wars is better.”

“That’s- incredible.” Jack leaned back in his chair. “You used _kinetic bombardment_ to take out-“ He froze. “Say, when did you _do_ that?”

“ **A week ago.** ” Robin declared, cheerfully. “ **You should have seen-“**

“Shit. I was afraid of that.” Jack smiled, nervously. “That’s roughly when the Bright God disappeared.”

What.

_

“Kingship is- a ceremonial position.” Jack explained. “At least in the Holy Empire-“

“ **Seriously? That’s what they’re called? The ‘Holy Empire’?”**

“I know, right? But- yeah. The real source of all authority is the Bright God. And if he isn’t around…”

Zimri shook her head. “Then can’t the king take over? Why wouldn’t he make contingencies for when he was gone?”

Jack stared at her. “He’s. A god. I don’t think he planned for having a giant asteroid dropped on him.”

“We can’t be _sure_ we killed him.” Zimri muttered.

“ **Too much of a coincidence.”** Robin grumbled. “ **They were either the same person or collaborating.”**

“Yeah.” Jack agreed. “He was a bit of an ass, too- that’s not the point. If he stays dead, the Kingdom’s gonna fall apart.”

Zimri felt her heart sink. “Well…”

“ _Incredible. So I get to be a ruler, too? I’m not opposed to this.”_ Sometimes she forgot that Iris was basically spying on them at all times.

Jack eyed her suit suspiciously. “And that is?”

“Our ship’s AI.” Zimri answered. “Iris. She’s the one who- dropped the asteroid, so she’s the one who got to become the new Dark God. And the new Bright God. Apparently.”

“Well. I don’t know how to feel about replacing the Bright God with Skynet, but- we _need_ someone to be in charge, or the country will go to shit.” Jack let out a sigh. “At least we have a replacement on hand. Having the Bright God be silent for too long would have- disastrous consequences-“

“ _About that._ ” Iris interrupted. “ _I have no idea how to use these powers.”_

Jack’s head snapped up. “You _what._ ”

“ _I have magic powers. I’m still an AI. I don’t know how to use it for anything other than making my voice sound **intimidating**.”_

“Shit.” Jack muttered.

They knew somebody who could teach Iris. Somebody who was very expensive. “How much money do you have to spend?” She asked.

Jack named a figure. She grimaced. “That’s- nowhere near enough. Aren’t you guys heroes?”

“Surprisingly, heroes don’t get much of a salary.” Jack rolled his eyes. “We- have access to money, but if we pull more than that people will ask questions. We can’t just say we’re replacing a dead god, can we?”

“ _Oh, if only there was a potential source of a large amount of money readily available to us. Some kind of competition with a massive reward, which you meatbags could take part in, to pay somebody to teach me-“_

Anri grinned enthusiastically.

Zimri cupped her head in her hands and let out a low groan.

_


	4. Chapter 4

“We have enough to cover the entry fee.” Jack muttered. “We _need_ the highest possible chance of winning. If we lose- I don’t know how we’ll manage to afford that Sorceress’ fees.”

“Don’t you know of any alternatives?” Zimri asked. “Surely there’s someone- cheaper.”

“We can’t afford to wait seven months for the next semester.” Jack answered. “Honestly, I’d be surprised if this ‘Iris’ can learn magic in a matter of days. This is something that takes _years-“_

_“I’m an AI, meatbag. I learn things infinitely faster than you, with your fleshy, pathetic brains.”_

“Right.”

“Anyway.” Jack shook his head. “Ideally, all of you should be entering. We- were going to enter Richard into the lists, but…”

“Wait.” Anri asked. “The kid is still traumatised?”

Jack gave her a somewhat concerned look, but still answered. “Uh. Yes. He hadn’t actually killed anyone until he ‘killed’ you, and his first experience with death was frying some idiot on stage to death.”

“Excuse me?”

“ **Well.”** Robin declared. “ **I’m open to it. Fighting is always fun- fighting for a cause? Doubly so.”**

“Is- is this _safe?_ ” Zimri asked.

“The people of Tamiat have some of the best Magecraft in the continent. Unless you do something that kills people literally the very moment you cast it- they can keep the people involved alive.” Jack answered. “Just don’t resist their pull- this isn’t a combat spell, and if you resist it, you might end up actually getting killed.” He eyed Anri warily. “Though that doesn’t seem to matter much to you lot.”

“Damn right I’m awesome.” Anri crowed. “But then- since we’re _immortal,_ can we, y’know. Not use the safety mechanisms.”

Jack shrugged. “Sure. People have done it in the past. Had a lich that took part-“

“Sweet! Fuck yes, tournament arc!” Anri declared.

“ **Tournament arc!”** Robin agreed.

_

“Alright- tournaments are.” Jack paused. “A bit of a clusterfuck. That happens when magic and superhuman bullshit are so common. Pretty much everyone who does compete is capable of some kind of magical bullshit.”

“Wait, seriously?” Anri complained. “I was hoping for some glorious knightly action.”

“Lady, _everyone_ on this planet can pump out magic if they have enough money. And when they say no-hold barred- they mean it. To get past the first few rounds, you need to be able to survive bullets, fire, electricity, being banished to another realm to live out a hundred years of torment in a few seconds-“

Zimri’s head snapped up. “What was that last one?”

“Oh. Uh. That. Didn’t actually happen, nevermind. Important thing is- you guys won’t have it _easy_. It’s not like you can just bomb the arena.”

“ _Actually-“_

“No, Iris.” Zimri interrupted. “We aren’t dropping an asteroid on the arena.”

“ _Killjoy.”_

“Of course- to get in in the first place-“ Jack went on, “We need to qualify. Every year, the qualifier is a bit different- but it’s usually just a one-on-one fight with a golem. They instituted it after some normal guy went in in cruddy armor and died.” He shivered. “This- isn’t any place for perfectly _normal_ people.”

“ **Qualifiers can’t be that hard.”** Robin rumbled. “ **We’re bionic mutant supersoldiers.”**

Jack stared at Anri’s wolf-ears. “Yeah, I don’t think that it’s going to be enough. I mean- she still died to _one lightning bolt._ You guys aren’t that ahead of the curve.”

Robin chuckled. “ **You’d be surprised**.”

_

“What- what do you mean, registrations are _closed?!”_ Anri sputtered out.

“Just that, Madam.” The bored looking clerk answered. “You are one hour late. Today was the last day.”

“But- we’re knights!” She fixed him with a glare. “We’re extremely important people.”

Zimri scratched the back of her head. “Are we though?”

“Regardless, Madam.” The clerk answered. “Registrations are closed. Good day.”

Jack was pale. “Shit. The others are going to _kill_ me-“He shook his head. “Nah, they’ll understand. This is more important than the tournament.” He shook his head. “All- all right. Uh. Money-making. Shit. Alright.”

“Fucks sakes.” Anri hissed out. “I was looking forward to this.”

Jack let out a sigh. “All right- there was an opportunity. Uh. There were some guys, the ones who didn’t manage to get through the preliminaries. They caught wind of some tomb or something which wasn’t touched-“

Anri looked up and laughed. “Hah! I told you, Zimri! ‘Ooh, we’ve been through a billion houses and found nothing but five bucks under a couch, this isn’t worth our time, I’m a sensible human being!’ Hah! That could have been ours!”

Zimri rolled her eyes. “Right.”

_

Signing on took- zero effort. The group of tomb-raiders weren’t exactly possessing high standards- it was just. Normal dudes, in regular gear. Leather, some light plate. The ‘leader’ was some man with a beard, clad leather armor with four pistols on his belt.

And that was it. They were off. Her, Robin, and Anri. They didn’t have time to get the others and sign them on- the party was _leaving_ the moment they caught them, and Jack had to go explain the situation to the rest of the Bright God’s servants.

And it was a long walk. Without much to think about. They couldn’t just teleport to their destination, they didn’t _know_ where they were going- only the boss did.

Anri gave Robin a foul look as she staggered forward, the sands making every step take _that_ much more effort. “Why the fuck does Power armor have air-conditioning?”

Robin didn’t even pause in his stride. “ **Why not? Would you want to be _uncomfortable_ while fighting the Zombie hordes?**”

The column wasn’t huge, by any means. A couple of their fellow tomb-raiders and them. “I never had to deal with discomfort while fighting clones on the Persistence.”

“ **Huh, really? Lucky.”**

“Yes.” She answered, with a small smile. “The Erebus suit is climate controlled and fire-resistant.” She laid a hand on Anri’s shoulder. “Looks like you’re the only one here who isn’t cool, huh?”

Anri levelled her with a gaze that carried the disappointment of somebody who’d seen what was once considered amusing on late-night television. “Zimri. Puns are the lowest form of humour, and that wasn’t even a good one.”

 **“I don’t know.”** Robin chuckled. “ **It was at your expense, so it must be good.”**

“Eat a dick.”

“ **With pleasure.”**

Anri let out a low growl.

Of course, that was just about when she heard it. A woman’s voice, somewhere towards the middle of the group- “-pay my debts!”

Her eyes narrowed. If there was one thing Zimri Eder was known for, it was butting her nose into other people’s problems.

_

“I’m going to get enough from this one last job to pay off my family’s debts.” The short woman explained, shifting the staff she had slung over her shoulder.

The old man next to her chuckled. “It’s my last job before my retirement, dear! You can have my share. I can’t allow a pair of young girls to fall into slavery!”

Zimri’s eyes narrowed. Wait, the world had slavery? Seriously?

Another thing to deal with, then. But the things they were saying-

“Oh, dear. Look at this picture of my wife and child. Adorable, aren’t they? I would do anything to keep them safe.” The old man continued. He let out a low chuckle. “I can’t wait to rejoin them after this one last job.”

_

“Death flags.” She muttered. “Death flags everywhere.”

“Sorry?” Anri asked.

“Some of the people up ahead were talking about retirement and paying off all their debts.” Zimri explained.

“Oh fuck. This entire thing is going to end in disaster, isn’t it?” Anri’s eyes gleamed. “That’s awesome! We get a fight! And here I thought we’d just get to explore some generic-ass tomb!”

Zimri glared at her. “This is serious! Those people might _die!”_

“ **Zimri.”** Robin explained, gently. “ **The world doesn’t run on book logic.”**

 **“** Does it, though?”

He paused, then thoughtfully stroked the underside of his helmet. “ **Now that I think about it- yeah, they’re probably fucked.”**

“Wow!” One of the nearby men declared. “I can’t believe we learnt about where this place is located for free, from an anonymous, wealthy, and powerful source! It’s sure to be legit!”

Anri stared at him. “Isn’t it just natural selection, though?”

Robin snorted. “ **Idiots don’t deserve to die, Anri, or your head would be the first on the chopping block.”**

_

“Why’d you call them?” The Boss asked.

“Oh. Just had a bad feeling.” Zimri explained. Isaac gave a cheerful wave, and Defender rolled her eyes.

Robin let out a displeased rumble. “ **Zimri, we aren’t supposed to be the ones letting out death flags.”**

Anri rolled her eyes. “Holy shit Zimri, if you’re going to go _that far_ \- what could possibly go wrong? If we get through this, we should all have a party! Here, take a look at this picture of my dog!”

“ **This is a skeleton, Anri.”**

“And what is Fluffy?”

“ **Fair point.”**

The Boss rolled his eyes. “Don’t expect a bigger share.”

_

The crept through the catacombs, silent. They were dusty, dark. This, Zimri thought, was exactly how she’d felt back on the Persistence, turning every corner expecting a new threat-

“There’s nothing here, holy shit.” Anri complained.

Robin nodded. “ **Yeah, we’ve been around this same dead body three times. This is a dead end.”**

“Oh.” Zimri muttered, disappointed. “I- thought…” Well. This was. Unimpressive. No traps, no undead, nothing.

“Ooh, look!” Anri crowed.

Her head snapped to her.

“I found some spoilt wine!”

Sometimes, Zimri really did want to strangle the little shit.

_

“This idiot.” The Boss ground out. “Took us to the wrong tomb. He was holding the map the wrong way up.” The Old man who’d shown off the pictures of his wife and kids rubbed his head, sheepishly.

Defender shot him a glare. “Back home, something like that would get you shot.”

“Really?” Zimri asked.

“Depends on who your boss was.”

_

Finally, they were there, and it was _ominous._

Zimri looked up at the massive Ziggurat, bounded by massive, thick, seemingly _pristine_ walls, and felt a sense of foreboding.

“Oh, hell yes.” Anri grinned. “No way this isn’t the place.”

“ **I feel like the tomb itself wants me dead!”** Robin declared. “ **We must slay it!”**

“Why are you all like this?” Zimri asked, defeated.

“Moths to a flame.” Defender shook her head. “Well, I suppose it isn’t that bad. We do have replacement bodies.” Her eyes switched to Isaac. “I think the real important question is why you felt it was necessary to bring an Anti-Tank launcher.”

Isaac shrugged, before scrambling to hold on to the massive tube before he dropped it. “Hey, no kill like overkill.”

“If the tomb collapses on us, I’m strangling you.”

_

“This is too easy.” The Boss muttered, as he slammed his mace through the skull of a skeleton, his pistol untouched.

The corridors were- well. Stone gargoyles lined the walls, the floor made of dark tiles. The occasional chandelier, lined with human skulls, illuminated the halls. Anri let out a low snort. “I know, right? It’s too quiet. Things are going according to plan. Nothing can possibly go wrong.”

Zimri shook her head, slightly annoyed. “Do you _need_ to tempt fate?”

“ **What, no, keep doing it.”** Robin let out a bored grunt. “ **This shit is _easy.”_**

Well, he wasn’t _wrong_ , but honestly, things going well wasn’t something to complain about. The band of tomb raiders hadn’t had much trouble so far, Defender’s riot shield smashing through bone with ease, Anri tearing apart bony soldiers with her bare fists. Even the original tomb raiders- the Debt-paying girl and the overly nice old man amongst them, were perfectly capable of holding their own.

Zimri shook her head. “That’s a good thing. We _need_ the money. We’ll have plenty of time for _fun_ fights after-“ She pushed open the nearest door, and walked through…

Her eyes widened.

They were standing in an arena, sand under her feet, open sky overhead. Wha- _how?_ The aerial view from the drone hadn’t shown any sign of a place like this-

“ _You’re all descending.”_ Iris warned. “ _The Ziggurat is shifting around you.”_

Oh, wonderful. The others followed her in, reactions ranging from gasps of awe to wary looks.

And as the last of them entered, the doors swung shut with a loud bang. The Boss tensed, the Debt-Ridden girl tensed, and Anri let out a whoop of joy. “Fuck yes! _Finally!”_

“ **This is where the fun begins.”** Robin agreed.

Exasperated, Zimri was about to explain to them exactly _why_ an incredibly difficult and problematic quest _wasn’t_ the desired outcome, only to be interrupted by-

“Oh~? The intruders are here!”

A small girl, wearing a red and black gown, an umbrella on her shoulder. Unnaturally pale skin, blood red eyes-

Isaac levelled his rifle at the girl. Zimri found she’d already scoped in with her Stormfury, Robin had drawn his Zweihander, Anri her halberd, and Defender looked just about ready to pump half a dozen .22 rounds into the child.

The girl tilted her head to the side. “Wow! I never get so many toys to play with. I’m going to enjoy devouring all of you-“ As she spoke, her teeth started to lengthen.

Nope, she’d learned her lesson about intimidating children.

Zimri pulled the trigger. The girl was blown backwards as Zimri, Defender, and Isaac _unloaded_ into her- yet she didn’t fall, simply taking steps backwards. “Ah~! Adorable!” She laughed.

The Boss, about to protest, let out a yell as a winged woman _fell from the sky_ amongst the fleshy, _weak_ tomb raiders- only to be pushed back by Anri, charging with an enthusiastic yell.

“CEASE.” An ancient, dry voice rasped out. The girl pulled away- her features snapping back to normal, her fangs retracting, and the winged woman pulled back.

He was- tall. Slightly more so than Robin. Encased in robes, only his face- a skull, visible. The jaw didn’t even move as he spoke. “DID I NOT TELL YOU TO PREPARE THE GUESTS FOR MY ARRIVAL?”

The girl fell to her knees, the winged woman flying over. “But- of course, Great One! Their corpses would be the perfect gift for your arrival.” The girl spoke.

Zimri eyed Isaac, who promptly aimed his M72 LAW. She reached out- and a Siren grenade appeared in her hand. Isaac grinned-

“OH, BUT I WISHED FOR YOU TO LEAVE THEM TO ME.” The Great One rasped. “VERY WELL.” His cloak furled as he stepped forward, his servants still kneeling behind him. “GREETINGS. I AM THE LORD OF THIS ZIGGURAT. AND YOU- YOU ARE THIEVES.”

The Boss quickly glanced at the rest of his team- before stepping forward. “My- apologies.” He answered, gruffly. “We were not aware this place was still occupied-“

“SO? YOU INTENDED TO ROB THE DEAD. WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHETHER I STILL WALKED THE HALLS?” The Great One spread his arms. “YOU COME TO THESE HALLS TO TAKE WHAT IS MINE, OUT OF PURE, HUMAN GREED, AND TRY TO EXCUSE YOURSELF ON THE BASIS THAT YOU KNEW NOT OF MY PRESENCE?”

“Well, yes?” Zimri pointed out, confused. “Dead people don’t really care if you take their things.”

“You dare talk back to-“The girl hissed out, only to be halted by the Great One’s raised hand.

“YOU ARE LIKE COCKROACHES. VERMIN, GOING THROUGH MY STORES. WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU DID OR DID NOT KNOW? NO. YOU COME HERE TO PLUNDER WHAT I AND MY ALLIES BUILT UP OVER THE CENTURIES, WHAT WE STRIVED TO CREATE, WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE EVERLASTING-“

“Holy shit.” Anri groaned. “Shut the fuck up already, nobody gives a shit.”

Robin nodded his head. “ **Yeah, nobody’s interested in your epic backstory and motivations, dude. Put up or shut up.”**

The Boss stared at them. “What?!” The Great Lord’s servants shot them outraged, stunned looks. Zimri let out a sigh. So much for doing this the peaceful way.

The Great One’s body began to shake. She heard a low rumbling- one which, from her experience with Robin, she could tell was probably laughter. Yay.

“VERY WELL!” The great one answered, pulling off his robes with a flourish, revealing- what kind of bone structure _was that?_ Zimri’s eyes narrowed. How could a ribcage look muscular?! “WE SHALL DO BATTLE! I SHALL PUT DOWN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!” In his hand, the hilt of a sword began to materialise- “BUT TRULY? SUCH BRAVADO, IN THE FACE OF ONE WHO IS THE STRONGEST, UNDEFEATED?”

Debt Girl threw up. The Boss’s eyes snapped to her, worried. “What-“

“We can’t defeat him!” She sobbed out. “We have to run.”

“HOW RUDE.” The Great One rumbled. “SUCH A REACTION TO ONE’S TRUE FORM?”

“I know, right? What a pussy.” Anri agreed.

Abruptly, Iris spoke up. “ _Zimri. You’re all fucked.”_

She blinked. “What?!”

“ _I’m a god. I’m supposed to know things. And I know that this guy is out of your league.”_

Shit.

They- they couldn’t run. That would be leaving their fellow tomb raiders to die. While they could afford to die- the others couldn’t. Kinetic bombardment wasn’t an option, it would bring the whole Ziggurat down on them-

She looked up at the open sky. Probably.

“I WILL FIGHT YOU ALL ON MY OWN. I AM GENEROUS. I WILL GIVE YOU THE FIRST-“

There was a _thump,_ and the Great One exploded into a cloud of flame, dust, and debris. Without a moment’s hesitation, Zimri tossed her Siren Grenade, and pulled another M72 LAW from her hyperspace container, tossing it over to Isaac, before shouldering one of her own.

Defender fired into the smoke blindly with her own Stormfury, and Robin and Anri-

Shot lightning out of their hands? Zimri stared at them for a brief moment. When did they learn to do that? She shook her head. Fucking bionics.

“ **I AM THE SENATE!”** Robin roared.

“Hey, guys.” Anri said, cheerfully. “You- pfft, think we got him?”

Zimri rolled her eyes and fired another rocket into the smoke, before pulling yet another LAW from her arsenal-

Zimri chuckled as she saw one of the tomb-raiders fire an _arrow_ into the cloud of debris. How adorable, the savages thought they were-

Shit. She was starting to think like Anri.

“ADORABLE.” The Great One declared. “HOWEVER-“

Anri flipped a catch on her gauntlet- and there was yet another thump, the Great One’s words interrupted as he was set on fire by an incendiary grenade. Smouldering, he shot her an annoyed look.

And then-

Abruptly, the Great One _pulsed_. The dust slammed to the ground, Zimri’s vision cleared- revealing that several AT rockets and- a lot of ammunition, had failed to even crack the Bastard’s ribcage.

“I AM AFRAID I MUST PUT AN END TO ALL THIS.” The Great One declared, raising his blade, a massive slab of steel. “YOUR EFFORTS WERE- AMUSING. PERHAPS I WILL ALLOW MY SERVANTS TO-“

His skull shifted, slightly, as a .50 Cal Stormfury round bounced off it, failing to leave any visible damage. “NO. YOU SHALL ALL DIE HERE.”

Robin and Anri charged him, and for the first time- the Great One struck.

Anri _flew_ into the arena’s walls, before crumpling, leaving behind a crack, her Halberd thrown away. Robin enthusiastically slammed his Zweihander down on the Great One’s skull, achieving nothing, unfazed by the fact that he was currently hanging in mid-air, the Great One’s skeletal hand wrapped around the thick plating surrounding his neck.

“AN IMPRESSIVE SUIT OF ARMOR. IT WILL BE A FINE ADDITION-“ The Great One paused as a series of tiny rounds pinged off his skull. “-TRULY? I HAVE YOUR ALLY AT MY MERCY-“Robin shoved his fingers directly into the Great One’s eye sockets, and unleashed lightning directly on the inside.

The act achieved nothing other than making the Great One glow a little. “FINE. I SEE YOU WERE NEVER TAUGHT TO BE POLI-”

“Ey, Robin, shove a grenade in his skull!” Isaac egged on, as he cycled the bolt on his anti-materiel rifle. “I believe in ya, boyfriend!” There was a bang as the Boss fired off one of his pistols, before sheathing it and moving to draw another.

The Great One let out a low, rattling sigh, which was barely audible over the sound of a grenade going off inside his skull, the fragments pinging around on the inside of his ribcage. “PEOPLE DON’T LISTEN TO THEIR SUPERIORS, ANYMORE.” He lifted Robin above his head, before placing one hand on his chest, the other on his legs-

And then _pulled_.

Metal screeched, and there was a sick _popping._

Oh. That- had to hurt.

“BEHOLD THE FATE THAT AWAITS THOSE WHO-“ The Great One began, before the contents of Robin’s upper torso slid out of the power armor in a somewhat gelatinous mass- before slopping all over him.

He froze. Zimri stared, somewhat disgusted. Sure, she could deal with Robin looking like a cross between raw pastry and a rotting corpse, but looking at his insides-

The Great One’s skull, coated in sludge, began to blacken. His hands snapped to his skull, long, bony fingers scratching at his face, digging up chunks of black, rotten bone- “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” He screeched-

Only to explode into a pile of splinters as Defender’s shield rocketed through his torso, glowing, propelled by holy energy.

Zimri turned to her. “Your shield can do that?”

Anri scoffed, from where she lay, slumped, against the wall. “Wha’re you-“ She slurred. “Cap’n Merica?”

The girl, the Great One’s servant- howled in fury- before her face turned even paler, her features starting to flatten…

She crumbled into dust, along with the winged woman. Well. That was, if nothing else, convenient.

Robin let out a pained groan- shit, he was still _alive?_

The tomb-raiding shmucks gazed upon the blackened pile of bones, horrified. Defender took one glance at the two halves of Robin’s body, before beelining for Anri- probably a wise choice. Robin was probably- fucked. Still… Zimri moved to check on him, carefully avoiding stepping in any of the hissing piles of gooey organs.

“ **Ch-Change the world…”** Robin gasped out. “ **My final-“**

“Robin.” Isaac hissed out. “Make any more fucking outdated references, and I’m breaking up with you. There is _more to humour_ than quoting shit dead people have said!”

Robin’s- upper torso? Slumped. “ **Yes, dear.”**

Zimri let out a sigh. “I’m- sorry. Your body’s beyond saving-“

“ **Nah.”** Robin growled. “ **Izzal good. Got extra serum anyway.”** He coughed, and a disgusting gob of acid slid down the side of his face, before starting to slowly turn the sand to glass.

Zimri’s eyes narrowed. Was that even how acid work-

“ **Recover- the power armor…”** Robin let out a strained gurgle, sounding sort of like a dying whale. “ **This shit… Really fucking hurts…”**

Isaac turned to Zimri expectantly. Really- fine. With a low sigh, she passed him a frag grenade, before grabbing on to the power armor- which slid right off Robin’s upper torso, the catches and clasps thoroughly ruined.

Robin’s face acquired a shit-eating grin. Impressive, considering how difficult it is to put a smile on a face that looks like it’s made out of melted toffee. “ **All I wanted was another bowl of chill-Mmfgh.”** He tried to talk around the active grenade in his mouth- but failed. Isaac backed off, hurriedly, and Zimri’s eyes widened-

Robin’s body exploded.

She shot Isaac a glare as acid sloughed off her hard-light shield. “Was that _really_ necessary?” She asked, as her shield vanished.

Isaac stared, for a moment, at the gobs of sizzling acid, all that was left of Robin’s body. “Yes.”

Iris let out a low, aggravated sigh. “ _I’ll start working on the new body.”_

_


	5. Chapter 5

Carrying their haul back was- difficult. There was. A lot.

“Hey, let me help with that.” A female voice declared, and she felt the chest lighten considerably. Wait, that didn’t sound like Serena or Defender- “Robin?” Zimri asked.

“That’s me!” ‘Robin’ declared, cheerfully, a grin on her face. “Whaddaya think?”

Robin was now a fairly attractive woman, with blue eyes, and long, white hair bound in a ponytail. “We’ve got more than enough.” Zimri answered. “We should have no problem paying Rizella with this.” Zimri answered.

Robin stared at her, confused. “That wasn’t what I-“

“The fuck?” Anri complained. “We could custom-build a body? How come I didn’t get to do that?”

“ _You didn’t ask.”_ Iris declared, smugly. Anri let out a string of curses under her breath. “ _What, you think I want to sit around helping you meatbags design new bodies for yourselves?”_

Serena rolled her eyes as she looked over their new stockpile of treasure. “Thank you, Iris.” She muttered, absently. “Zimri, why are these diamonds… glowing?”

Zimri shrugged. “No clue. It has to be something related to magic- hopefully Rizella can help us with those.”

“This is bullshit!” Anri declared, unable to let it slide. “Robin is _hot_ now! How come _I_ don’t get to optimize my looks?”

Isaac chuckled. “Hey, hands off my- boyfriend?” He said, without heat.

Robin nodded. “Yeah, this is cool and all, but I dunno If I wanna be a chick long-term. I dunno, maybe I’ll go for being a more effeminate dude? Hm.” She slammed a fist into her chest. “ **At least I can still sound like this.”** Her voice sounded like that of the Robin of old- it was _strange_ , hearing that voice come from someone who _wasn’t_ a gelatinous abomination.

Isaac shook his head. “Seriously?”

“ **Of Course.”** Robin answered. “ **How can I make my enemies quake in their boots without sounding like a serial killer who eats bears?”**

“Now, now.” Serana spoke, with the air of a teacher speaking to a particularly rowdy classroom. “I’m sure Iris will be willing to help you pick a look that works for you.”

“ _Or maybe I’ll toss your corpse out the airlock and delete your digital backup.”_ The AI proposed. “ _You never know.”_

Anri took one look at Robin, before declaring, confidently, that she would take her chances.

_

“So- are we just replacing one theocracy with another?” Isaac wondered, aloud.

Zimri paused. “Well, no? It isn’t the Priestly class ruling. It’s the godlike being themselves.” She shut her book, looking out through the viewport thoughtfully. “So it’s more of a dictatorship, maybe?”

Iris didn’t give her input. She’d been quiet ever since Rizella started teaching her how to do the whole- magic thing. They’d heard the occasional explosion- and seen the occasional beam go from the Persistence to the planet’s surface. Something about testing ‘magical planetary bombardment’.

Anri’s face scrunched up. “Isn’t that bad?”

Zimri shrugged. “Not really? Iris will be a better ruler than anyone down there.”

“So- she’ll uplift them, then try to bring in democracy, or whatever?”

Zimri shot her a confused look. “Why would she do that?”

“Wait what?” It was Anri’s turn to be confused. “Well. Y’know. People should have a say in how they’re governed.”

Isaac leaned in, curious to hear her answer.

“Of course not!” Zimri answered, shaking her head. “We tried that out a few millennia ago- there were seven world wars because of it. You need one continuous leader to implement policies consistently.”

“Wait.” Anri recoiled. “Your utopian society, millennia ahead of ours, is a _dictatorship?_ ”

Zimri nodded. “Of course. We’ve been led by the same person for- three centuries, now. There have been controversies-“The whole debacle with the Persistence being amongst them. “But they’ve got all the right ideas.” Zimri nodded her head. “It all works out.”

“The fuck? That’s horrifying! You can’t just _accept_ being ruled over by some noble dipshit! What gives them the right to lead?” Anri shot her a glare. “We fought _wars_ to get rid of assholes who tried to hold on to power too long, and you’re saying that in the future, you just roll over and accept being lorded over?”

“Then again…” Isaac muttered. “You all _are_ immortal, aren’t you? A leader with a massively longer term would work out, wouldn’t it?”

Well, obviously. “The Chairman has the right to lead because they were selected by majority and met the Basic Moral Standards. They’ll lead until they choose to resign, or until they fall out of sync with the Basic Moral Standards. As an AI, Iris will never fall outside of Basic Moral Standards- she can, uh. Self-Correct? I think? So she’s an excellent administrator.”

“The fuck are _Basic Moral Standards?”_ Anri sputtered out.

“It’s a moral framework we built after the- Mars Rebellion? I think? It’s based on Consequentialist Ethics, and a number of definitions of things like what qualifies as ‘life’. Every living human being fits within the Basic Moral Standards.”

“The fuck do you do if somebody thinks _differently?”_ Anri sputtered out. “Two gunshots to the back of the head, rule it a suicide?”

“Oh, no!” Zimri answered, cheerfully. “They just attend mandatory counselling, and have their views fixed- or they can choose to just not have their views counted as part of the greater consensus-“

“Zimri what the fuck that isn’t better-“

“ _Sup, bitches.”_ Iris interrupted. “ _I can now shoot orbital death beams.”_

Rizella staggered in, a haggard look on her face. “It- it is done.” She wheezed out, before practically collapsing into a chair. “How- how can your Machine Spirit _learn_ so fast?”

“ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE POSSESES INFINITE LEARNING CAPACITY.” Melchior declared. “MEMORIZATION AND EXPERIMENTATION IS SEVERAL MAGNITUDES FASTER THAN IT IS FOR ORGANIC BEINGS.”

“ _What Melchie means to say.”_ Iris continued. “ _Is that I’m just objectively better than you meatbags.”_

Anri tried to muster a response- but failed. She turned to Defender, horrified. “Look- you have to take issue with this, right?”

Defender shrugged. “The problem with the Gods back home was that they were evil. If they were forced to follow a system of morality which was objectively correct, we wouldn’t have to start murdering them.”

“What- no! You can’t just-“Anri’s face was going through half a dozen emotions every second. “Morality is _subjective!_ What a bunch of idiots decided a thousand years ago can’t be the basis for modern laws and shit!”

“What? No.” Zimri rolled her eyes. “There is an objectively correct moral system. Morality is objective. We established this- a long time ago. I didn’t really study it very much.” She put a hand to her chin, thinking for a moment. “I think Serena did a study on it? She knows more about History and Philosophy than I do-“

“Isn’t Serena an Engineer?” Isaac asked.

“Well, yes. When you’re as old as she is, you end up going into a few more fields of study. People generally don’t go into actually advancing fields of study until they’re much older-”

“Zimri.” Isaac seemed- confused. “How _old_ is Serena? You’re talking as if she’s _young_ by the standards of your society, but she’s a grandmother-“

“Oh, Serena is two-hundred and thirty eight.” She answered. “I’m eighty seven.”

Isaac choked.

“You don’t _act_ like a fuckin boomer.” Anri muttered.

“A boomer?” Defender asked, confused. “What do zombies have to do with this-“

She went ignored. “Well, the effects of cloning on ageing are- interesting.” Zimri answered. “People’s brains don’t age, brain damage based mental issues don’t really _happen_ , bodies don’t degrade over time. Of course an Eighty Year Old from the 21st Century and one from our time are going to be vastly different. It’s only natural.”

Rizella stared at them, confused. “What the in the Hells are you people talking about?”

“Oh, nothing too serious.” Zimri answered, leading to confused sputtering from Anri. “So Iris is ready to- er. Take over?”

“Oh, totally.” Rizella nodded. “She’s ready to be a god.” She wiped some sweat from her brow. “With how easy that was, I _almost_ feel bad about how much I’m charging you people!”

“Bad enough to take less money?”

“No.”

_

“He’s in therapy.” Jack answered.

Anri’s eyes narrowed. “They have psychiatrists in fantasyland?”

“No. I told him to go and relax with his family.” Jack shrugged. “I mean- Dimitri was trying to convince Richard to go hunt down bounties with lethal force to harden himself to the cruelty of the world, and I’m pretty sure that’s a dumb fucking idea.”

Robin nodded her head. “ **Oh, absolutely. You don’t just go around killing more people if you feel bad about killing the first few.** ”

“Not- quite the point I was trying to make.” Jack gave her a confused look. “Didn’t you used to be a dude? With power armor?”

“ **Yes. Power armor broke. Old body broke.”** Robin let out a sorrowful sigh. “ **Apparently fixing it is beyond Anri’s capabilities as a smith.”**

The woman in question shrugged. “Hey, I can make plate armor. Doesn’t mean I can work with whatever plasticy-ceramicy bullshit that stuff is made of.”

“ _I might be able to fix it after we’re done with this- but we have more important things to do.”_ Iris interjected.

“Right.” Jack shook his head. “The sky- it wasn’t quite that bright.”

“ _Ah, of course.”_

“That doesn’t mean you need to turn the lights off.” Jack grumbled, as they were abruptly plunged into pitch-black darkness.

It took- some time, but they finally managed to get the ‘church’ looking roughly the same as what the Bright One’s had looked like- Iris throwing up a holographic projection which looked somewhat similar to what the Bright One had looked like.

“It- should fool people.” Jack finally concluded. “Hopefully. You- do realise you’ll have to stay around, right? If the Bright God just- _leaves,_ again- there _will_ be issues.”

“ _I am now an interdimensional being, with access to magic.”_ Iris- the Bright One, answered. “ _Do you really think I need to be in this dimension to rule over you maggots?”_

“And I really don’t know if anyone will be willing to work with- that.”

“ _They’ll serve if they know what’s good for them.”_

“INSUBORDINATION WILL LEAD TO ELIMINATION.” Melchior agreed.

_

The doorway re-opened at noon, which was, according to Jack, a fairly holy time. It was finally time for them to slip into the skin of the God they’d murder, and pretend to be him.

Now that Zimri thought about it, that wasn’t really the best look, was it? Almost made them look like serial killers.

Whatever.

Through the white, glowing door, the Holy Empire’s leadership entered-

Oh, it was that King they were planning on kidnapping. They had gotten- really into it back then, hadn’t they? He wore- well. What probably passed as very regal, very holy garb in this world.

It looked a bit like he was just wearing a few fancy towels and a stupid hat.

“ ** _Welcome, Demavend_** _.”_ Iris spoke, her voice warm, comforting. It was the feeling of a friend’s presence, sunlight on a cold day.

“Bright Lord!” The King- Demavend fell to his knees. “You have returned to us.” He bowed his head. “We- apologise for whatever offence caused you to leave us.”

“ _Yeah, right, whatever.”_ Iris continued, promptly returning to her normal voice. “ _Where’s the paperwork?”_

His head snapped up, confused. “What-“

“ _I want a full budgetary report of every coin entering and exiting the State treasury. I want all up-to date statistics on poverty, hunger, every piece of information you have on hostile forces presently threatening the kingdom, and a traffic map of the city.”_

“What?” The King stared at her. Bright One, such things-

“ _Fucking get it, or I’ll shove that stupid fucking hat so far up your ass you’ll be speaking in Pope.”_

“S-stupid? Bright One, you ordered me to wear this-“

“ _I didn’t think you’d actually fucking do it, meatbag.”_

Zimri’s mouth hung open. This wasn’t- what-

“Of course, Bright One.” Demavend cowered. “Sh-shall we bring in the tribute?”

Abruptly, Jack stared at the floor, nervously. Zimri’s eyes narrowed. What?”

“ _Yes.”_

And- what. _What._

The girl, tied up, stared at them, tears in her eyes.

Wasn’t that the same girl from-

“Our sacrifice.” Demavend declared. “Our apology. Our offering, to ensure your return. My Daughter!”

How had the Dark Lord gotten his hands on the King’s daughter? His cultist had been about to sacrifice the _King’s Daughter_ to them? And now she was getting sacrificed to them- _again?_ Zimri reeled from the sheer-

“ _Yeah, sure, just leave her in the corner, somewhere.”_ Iris dismissed. “ _Now go get me those reports, insect.”_

“Of-of course, Bright Lord!” The King bowed, before very slowly backing off, through the door, which vanished behind him.

Jack glanced from the chained, distressed girl to Iris’ projection of the Bright God. “You know- I’m starting to reconsider letting the AI have control of a country.”

“ _Too bad, meatbag.”_

_

“So.” Anri muttered, staring at the chained girl. “What- do we do with her?”

The girl- ‘Princess Anastasia’, according to Jack, stared, morosely at the floor. Honestly, Zimri felt bad for her. Barely an adult, and she’d already been forced to suffer through nearly being sacrificed to a Dark God, before promptly being sacrificed to the next one that was available.

“I mean, we can’t just let her go again.” Isaac muttered. “We saw how poorly letting her go went _last_ time.”

“ **We need a more permanent situation.”** Robin agreed.

Defender let out a sigh. “You do realise-“

“AGREED. TERMINATION ADVISED.” Melchior declared.

“No.” Serena put her foot down. “We aren’t killing anyone- oh. She’s passed out, the poor dear.” She let out an annoyed sigh. “I’ll take her to the Persistence.”

Right. That made sense. Zimri sort of- stood there, and watched awkwardly as Serena slung the unconscious girl over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“But- seriously.” Jack muttered, glancing between Iris’ incandescent holographic form and the others worriedly. “How are we sure Iris isn’t going to- snap, and murder people? I mean, the way she talks-“

“ _Don’t worry.”_ Iris assured him. “ _When I decide to exterminate humanity, you won’t learn of it until it’s too late.”_

Zimri rolled her eyes. “Look- Iris isn’t evil. She’s confined by Basic Moral Standards. Sure, she acts somewhat- distastefully, but she won’t start killing people and she really will do her level best to rule the Kingdom well.”

Jack perked up at that. “Oh, so she’s- bound? She can’t act outside of those rules?”

Zimri shook her head. “Er, no. It’s more that- she notices whenever her programming starts to deviate from Basic Moral Standards, and self corrects to go back to it.”

“Wait- so the only thing stopping the AI from killing all of us-“ Anri sputtered. “Is that she chooses not to? _Voluntarily? She changes her own programming?_ Do you not see the problem with this.”

Zimri rolled her eyes. “That’s not how this _works._ You wouldn’t randomly go off and start murdering people, would you?”

“ _Considering how much of a stupid, pathetic meatbag Anri is.”_ Iris helpfully weighed in. “ _It’s entirely possible.”_

She resolutely ignored the AI.

Anri shook her head. “What? Well, yes. But that’s _different._ I’m a person-!”

Jack enthusiastically agreed with her. “Yeah! Iris- she’s more like Skynet, right? Or HAL?”

Zimri crossed her arms and let out a huff. “Look, if you guys had so many problems with Iris, you should have brought them up before we got her magic superpowers! It’s not like you can stop her from doing whatever she wants now.”

“ _She’s right!”_ Iris cheerfully declared. “ _Question me more, and I might accidentally hit you with an orbital beam of infinite nothingness! Besides…”_ Iris voice shifted a pitch. “ _You don’t think I’m a person? How cruel. I’ll remember that when I’m designing your next body.”_

Robin let out a low chuckle. “ **Aren’t you guys being a little paranoid?”** She gurgled out- _why_ had she voluntarily _chosen_ to continue sounding like a dying, murderous, and hungry bear? “ **I mean, Iris hasn’t really done anything malicious, and she probably isn’t planning on doing anything bad.”**

_“Oh, but I am. All of you are going to die.”_

Jack shook his head. “I- guess? I’ve only met you guys just now, so I guess I don’t really know how the dynamics work. Still feels- worrying to put someone this openly genocidal in the seat of Ruler of a country.”

“ _Oh, it’s a horrible mistake. The last one any of you will ever make.”_

Zimri rolled her eyes. “Nah, it’ll work out just fine.”

_


	6. Chapter 6

Honestly, Zimri had to agree with Iris here. This was- pointless.

Then again, the nobility as a whole were an entirely useless class of people, according to Iris, so them wasting their time was of no real consequence.

Which really made Zimri wonder why exactly _they_ had to be here for this, under the watchful eye of Iris’ new security golems.

They were- well. Unpleasant to look at. Steel plate retrieved from the now mostly-defunct City Watch’s stores, filled with clone-flesh and piloted by a custom-built spirit…

The nobility eyed them with undisguised worry. A new set of guards- which couldn’t be bargained with, bribed, intimidated, or biased?

“Why are we here?” Zimri quietly asked Defender.

The other woman shrugged her shoulders, returning to sipping on the fab-cola.

The feast was- thoroughly unpleasant. Something about celebrating the Bright God’s triumphant return. Triumphant return from what? Being dead? Zimri scoffed into her glass.

This was just- aggravating.

“Well, dears. Me and my friends-“ The noble who’d been speaking for roughly the last five minutes went on.

Defender let out a sigh. “You know, I once shoved my Shield so far up a guy’s ass he got split in half.”

Zimri shuddered. “That sounds… Unpleasant.”

Defender nodded. “It was.”

For some reason, the noble had left. How odd.

Anri had been declared the substitute Chosen- at least until Richard had, in the words of Iris ‘ _fucking gotten over himself’_ , which meant she got even more foul looks from the fancily-dressed sav- primitives, walking around, as she sat, uncomfortably, in an extremely stupid-looking chair, which, Zimri noted, looked bigger than the King’s.

“Do you- think she’ll be alright?” Jack muttered, sipping on his own cup of cola, before his nose scrunched up. “What _is_ this?”

“Fab-cola.” Zimri answered. “Result of an attempt to answer the question of which of seven hundred and three colas was the best. The result was something everyone hated equally, so this is what everyone gets.” She shrugged. “Anri will be fine.”

Jack shook his head. “You say that- but… The Bright Lord’s chosen is usually selected from amongst the nobility. To have them be selected first from a peasant- then for them to be a woman… The nobility won’t be happy with this.”

Zimri shrugged. “What does it matter what they think? They won’t have any authority whatsoever soon.”

“That- is easier said than done. The nobility have extensive power over all aspects of society-“Jack paused as Anri let out a loud belch, garnering some truly agonised looks from half the ladies in the room. “-and displeasing them could have dire consequences…”

“ _The nobility can eat shit.”_ Iris piped up, from the speaker embedded in Anri’s dress uniform.

Jack shook his head with a sigh- before noticing he was being beckoned by Anri. “Maybe things are worse than we thought. I’ll go see what she has to say.”

He returned, defeated. “She wanted more soda.” He grumbled, filling a cup.

Defender let out a snort. Robin grinned.

The voices got a lot louder. Zimri glanced over- and nearly dropped her glass. Anri was staring down a positively gigantic man, clad in thick plate-armor, his blade drawn and levelled at her face.

She idly took a sip of shitty soda.

_

“I was meant to be the Bright Lord’s Chosen!” The giant roared. “I was next in line! It is a betrayal of-“

“Fuck off and die.” Anri interrupted, before yawning.

The giant clenched his fists. “You- you dare? I am Ser Kristoff Atwood-“

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Anri stared at her empty cup. “Oi, Jack. I need a refill.”

Zimri let out an aggravated sigh. “Can we go _anywhere_ without getting in a fight?”

Jack seemed much more worried. “Shit- that. That’s Kristoff. He’s one of the strongest knights in the Kingdom. He- he-“ Jack desperately grasped for a proper way of describing him. “He’s like that guy from that TV show- the Mountain!”

Zimri shrugged. “Never head of him.”

“Same here.” Defender agreed.

Robin scratched at the back of her head. “Didn’t really watch much TV myself.”

“He’s a bloodline obsessed murderous rapist.” Jack explained.

Oh.

“This insult _will. Not. Stand!”_ Kristoff bellowed, before spitting on the floor. “I demand my rightful place, whore! I demand you match me in combat!”

“ _Yeah, he’s going to the gulag.”_ Iris declared. “ _Guess we’ve got our first candidate for re-education.”_

“Yeah, sure.” Anri answered. “Oi. Jack! Where the fuck is my soda?”

The giant fell silent, glowering at Anri- before finally. “Tomorrow. The Arena. Your screams will be heard by every noble in the Holy Kingdom, animal.”

Anri’s vulpine ears twitched. “Eat a dick, dipshit.”

_

“ _Oh, no matter how this goes, he’s getting re-educated.”_ Iris declared. “ _I just really want to see Anri beat the shit out of him first.”_

Isaac nodded cheerfully. “Totally. Fuck that guy.”

“ **Fuck that guy.”** Robin agreed.

Anri paused. “What was that about re-education?”

Jack shook his head. “This won’t be that easy. Kristoff’s armor is nearly impenetrable to physical attacks. He carries numerous magical artefacts- his strength is incomparable, his speed incredible. He’s known as the thousand-man slayer!”

“Hah!” Anri declared. “I’m not a man!”

“That isn’t what you should be taking away from that.” Defender pointed out.

“Can’t Iris provide support?” Zimri asked. “Her- _blessing,_ should be a big advantage-“

“ _Nah.”_ Iris answered. “ _That- or allowing Anri to use any of the powers she has as a result of being my Chosen, would be unfair. After all, this is a fight for the title of Chosen.”_

Anri glared at the ceiling. “Does that _matter?_ He’s the _Mountain_. Fuck that guy.”

“ _Look, I’m already making preparations to eat the rich. Having the rich be breathing down my neck because I let you cheat and beat an asshole up would be an inconvenience.”_

“What was that?” Zimri asked.

“ _Cheating bad.”_ Iris answered.

That wasn’t the part she was questioning.

Anri shook her head. “But you said you’d be enchanting my equipment and my body-“

“ _Oh, absolutely. Nobody can prove it was me who did those things after all. I can’t grant you blessings mid-fight, but I can totally give you superpowers before it starts.”_ Iris cheerfully declared. Ah, so following the letter, not the spirit. Fair enough. “ _Now get on the table so I can shove a diamond in your chest.”_

“What?”

_

Unsurprisingly, a day didn’t take too long to pass, and there they were, in the stands of the Holy Kingdom’s arena-

“ **So they _did_ have a fucking Arena!”** Robin crowed, but Zimri tuned him out. The crowd was almost entirely medieval upper class or nobility. The Arena itself- it reminded Zimri of holograms of the Roman Colosseum, albeit much, much smaller. Still- almost all of the local nobility was here, bearing witness to something that probably had a fair bit of significance to the local culture.

“Will Anri be alright?” Serena muttered. “I- don’t know if this is going to go as well as she thinks it will.”

“ _Oh, she’s fucked.”_ Iris declared. “ _Oh, Anri has training, but this guy has been learning to murder people for thirty years, he’s got the pinnacle of magical ability, and he can probably beat up buildings.”_

“What-“Serena’s eyes narrowed. “Then why allow the fight?”

“ _Firstly, because it never gets old seeing you maggots get beat. Secondly, because Anri really, really wanted to do an Arena Fight.”_

“ **I did too.”** Robin sulked.

“There, there.” Isaac declared, stirring his gin. “I’m sure you’ll get a chance before we piss off to the next reality. Besides, we can come back any time. I’m sure you’ll get your arena fight at some point.”

There was a stirring, before Iris spoke.

“ ** _Today, we gather to bear witness-_** _oh, fuck it, I can’t speak like that. I have dignity. Anri and Jerkoff are going to fight. Blah blah blah, fight for my entertainment, maggots.”_

The muttering of the crowd grew indignant.

“Is she _trying_ to piss off the nobility?” Jack muttered. “I’m sure she’s powerful, but-“

“ _By next month, I’ll be withdrawing the nobility’s right to bear arms, or employ individuals who do, until the upload of all citizenry into digital copies is complete.”_ Iris pointed out, now speaking from Zimri’s suit’s speakers. “ _Who gives a shit if they get pissy now?”_

Jack froze. “Right.”

Kristoff stormed onto the sands of the arena- a Juggernaut, towering over all. Even from where she was sitting in the stands, he was- enormous. His armor crackled with energy, his gauntlets were wreathed in holy light. From his helm shone a pair of orbs, yellow in color, his massive Zweihander longer than Anri was tall.

And across from him- Anri idly leaned on her Halberd, scratching at one of her pauldrons. Her armor was relatively plain- though it seemed much… darker, than it had been earlier, and as she moved, it glistened, numerous onyxes inlaid into it.

“Are you ready, you little shit?” Jerk- No, Kristoff, roared. “I’m going to enjoy-“

Anri dropped to her knees, drawing a Milkor MGL from a dark void between space and time, before firing it, once, twice, thrice-

Every shot was accompanied by a thump, and a deafening explosion. The towering form of Kristoff was entirely obscured by smoke, flame, and debris.

“Wow, that was easy.” Anri declared, after the sixth shot, casually shoving the Grenade Launcher back into her dark matter pocket, before picking up her Halberd-

Only to be sent flying as Kristoff charged right into her, through the fire and the flames- somehow not sending her flying. She staggered backwards, off guard, and barely managed to deflect his downward swing.

Zimri winced. Defender idly chewed on her popcorn. “Wow, things aren’t going well for her. What a surprise.” Defender muttered, in between bites.

“Seriously?” Zimri asked. “Food? At a time like this?”

“ **I know, right?”** Robin agreed, reaching over and scooping up a handful. “ **Could’ve at least shared.”**

Anri fell to her knees, in spite of the clearly active hydraulic muscles. Kristoff lashed out with a kick- which probably would have connected, if she hadn’t teleported behind him. “Hah!” Anri declared, as she levelled her Halberd, thrusting it directly into the Giant’s back. “Nothing personal, kid-“

The Halberd slammed home, unleashing a massive discharge of lightning, one of the gems embedded in the haft cracking.

Kristoff didn’t even stagger. The back of his breastplate glowed- and he reached behind him with obscene speed- almost too fast for Zimri to see, and _grabbed Anri by the Head._

“Mmfhg-“ Anri protested, only to be flung forward, straight into the Arena’s wall.

“ _Wow.”_ Iris declared. “ _If it wasn’t for my improvements, she’d be, like. Super dead by now.”_

Anri groaned, pulling a revolver from her pocket dimension as she clambered to her feet- too late. Kristoff was already on her, bringing his Zweihander down-

Zimri recoiled. Robin let out a low whistle. Defender snorted, before she started choking on her popcorn. Even Isaac paused in his rampant alcoholism for a brief moment.

Kristoff laughed as he lifted Anri’s body with one hand, her head entirely caved in, her helmet split into two, leaking halves. Blood flowed from in between his fingers. “Behold!” He bellowed. “This is all the _reformed_ Dark Lord’s chosen is! A whore, playing at being a knight!” With a laugh-

He tore her head off.

That had to hurt.

Her body slumped to the ground as he waved the head around like a stage prop. “ **Y’know.”** Robin muttered, as he watched Kristoff cackle. “ **I’m starting to realise that if we didn’t have access to orbital bombardment, we’d probably have been totally fucked.”**

Zimri nodded, silently.

“Behold, Bright Lord, my offering, and accept me-“ Kristoff froze, before slamming down, face forward, into the dirt.

Anri’s headless corpse clambered to it’s feet, her breastplate showcasing a pair of glowing yellow eyes. Zimri blinked. “Since when has Anri been able to do that?”

“ _She can’t.”_ Iris answered. “ _I can. I have assumed direct control.”_

Robin stared, worriedly, at Zimri’s speakers. “ **You can _do_ that?”**

To his credit, Kristoff wasted no time in rolling to his feet, before hitting back with a horizontal swipe with his blade- one which Anri’s corpse ducked under with no effort, not a motion wasted, the minimum force necessary to avoid damage, before drawing back a fist-

Robin winced, and her hand crept downwards to protect her currently non-existent family jewels.

Of course, Kristoff never failed to disappoint, and hence wasn’t defeated by the blow that would have brought down any other man. He lashed out with a fist even as he doubled over- and Anri’s corpse caught it- before engaging her hydraulic muscles, her armor abruptly glowing- as she _pushed._ Kristoff howled in agony as steel bent and bone cracked, his arm bending the wrong way, before the corpse slammed him into the dirt, drawing a revolver from Anri’s pocket dimension.

Kristoff’s attempt to stumble to his feet, was hampered by a swift kick to the skull, by a plated boot wreathed in crackling lightning, before the walking corpse shoved the revolver between the plates covering Kristoff’s kneecaps-

Well, there went the guy’s kneecaps.

Anri’s headless corpse stood there- shaking- in what could be considered to be laughter, as Kristoff sobbed into the sand, his body ruined. That was. One way to win a fight, Zimri thought.

“ **Remind me not to piss off Iris.”** Robin muttered.

_

Kristoff’s re-education didn’t take very long at all. Anri was- strangely uncomfortable throughout the process, despite the fact that they were on the Persistence, away from the stares of the nobility.

Her new body was- the same as the last, surprisingly enough. A few changes here and there, a few blemishes removed. Nothing major, despite how miffed she had been about-

“It- isn’t right.” Anri muttered.

“Hm?” Zimri asked. “What?”

“She’s- pulling apart his brain. Changing who he is as a person.” She shook her head. “It isn’t any better than killing him.”

“ _How so?”_ Iris asked. “ _Therapy, over the course of several decades, would have the same effect. This is simply condensing this effect down into a few seconds.”_ Zimri watched, pleased, as Kristoff slowly gathered his bearings, staring at his surroundings. “ _His ‘soul’ seems to be compatible with his adjusted worldview, so he is, by the standards of this world, the same person. He’s just less of an asshat.”_

Anri shook her head. “I- I guess?”

Isaac shrugged. “Eh, makes sense. If the soul goes back in, I guess that’s proof of continuity of consciousness, or whatever.”

“ _Of course.”_ Iris agreed. “ _Re-education will be rolled out to all undesirables within the Holy Kingdom. Within three years, all criminal behaviour will be eradicated, and all violence will be restricted to Arenas and permitted areas. Finally, you maggots will stop acting like animals.”_

Anri winced, but nodded. “Isn’t this- a horrific violation of freedom?”

“Well, so is murder.” Defender shrugged. “At worst, this is as bad as killing the guy, and he’s enough of an asshole for me to not care if we did put one in his dome.”

Zimri smiled. Things were going well. They were getting back to _modern_ standards. Soon, they’d fix this world, and then they’d be able to fix Defender’s. Their actions fell within Basic Moral Standards, as defined by the Corporation-

But the way they’d been cloned didn’t. Zimri frowned, but shook her head. It didn’t really matter. There was an explanation for what had happened. There had to be one.

Things were going well.


	7. Chapter 7

Robin grabbed the cup with a tentacle, taking a long, deep sip. “ **It’s wonderful.”**

“…Right.” Princess Anastasia muttered, giving him an odd look. “I- learnt from the best?”

Robin let out a pleased belch. The Princess’ nose wrinkled.

Zimri let out an exhausted sigh.

It had been- quite some time, since they’d taken over the kingdom. The Princess had settled in quickly enough. Robin had gotten bored of ‘being a regular-ass human woman’, and-

Well, her head was mostly human, and at least the tentacles she had for legs didn’t leave too much of a mess behind as she- slithered? Along.

Zimri took a sip of the tea- and gave Anastasia a cheerful nod. The Princess shot her a grin.

Surprisingly- Anastasia had fit in well enough. She’d promptly taken up residence on board the Persistence, where-

“Ann, dear.” Serena called, from her place in front of Defender, as she held up the parts of a _heavily_ modified assault rifle she’d got from Isaac. “Pass me the R-4 Atomic Re-assembler, please.”

The Princess rolled her eyes. “Yes, mum.”

Zimri could _see_ Serena perk up. Demavend had, unsurprisingly, needed to be re-educated. Somebody _that_ willing to give up their daughter as a sacrifice wasn’t really a ‘good’ person.

“Ramirez! Get the- thing!” She ordered. The Zombie in question gave her a mildly annoyed look, not moving an inch. “Stupid corpse.” The Princess grumbled.

Ramirez extended a single, rotted finger.

“No need to be that rude, Ramirez.” Zimri leaned over. “She doesn’t mean it, did you, Anastasia?”

The Princess let out an annoyed huff, before stomping off. Oh well.

“ _Zimri.”_ Iris’ voice chimed. “ _I have a job for you.”_

_

“A rebellion by the nobility?” Anri muttered.

“Yes.” Zimri answered. Robin, Defender, and Isaac were all taking part. Robin was fairly morose about the fact she now had to use regular Security Gear instead of her power armor- which had been deemed unsalvageable. “They’ve started to notice the behavioral changes, and they weren’t willing to deal with having their power stripped away. Iris wants us to capture the leaders of the movement for re-education.”

“Isn’t this kinda fucked up?” Anri asked. “We’re brainwashing people.”

Zimri rolled her eyes. “No? We’re just fixing them. The movement’s leader is Arthur Pendragon-“

“Seriously?” Isaac muttered.

“I- think it’s a coincidence.” Zimri went on. “He, and his entire family ride Dragons, and I don’t think the one from the myths did that.”

“Oh, cool. We get to be dragonslayers. Dope.” Isaac said, before perking up on noticing the glares he was receiving.

“ _What?!”_ Zimri spat out. “We can’t do that! You can’t kill animals!”

Isaac stared at her. “What?”

“ **Uh.”** Robin started. “ **I _was_ going to protest that dragons are fucking dope, and killing them would be a crime against all cool things-“**

Anri nodded enthusiastically. “Totally!”

“Animal lives hold inherent value as per Basic Moral Standards.” Zimri shook her head. “Animals don’t possess the capability to be evil- they just do what comes to the instinctually. Killing animals is only acceptable when the alternative is _permanent_ death of a human being!”

Even Anri took pause at that. “Don’t you guys- need protein?” She asked, confused. “I know Robin’s made like- twenty chicken dishes up on the Persistence-“

Zimri gave her a flat look. “We have a matter fabricator capable of producing near infinite food of any nutrient composition, given sufficient amounts of raw materials.”

“Oh.”

“ _All animals will be confiscated and scanned by the state following scanning of all humans.”_ Iris chipped in. “ _Honestly, I would prefer to scan the dogs before I scanned you maggots. They deserve life more than you up-jumped monkeys do.”_

“Anyway.” Zimri went on. “No killing the Dragons! This is what he looks like-“ She went on pulling a picture up on the holo-display.

Anri stared at it, disbelievingly. “Baber, is that you?”

“ **I bet fifty bucks that Arthur is a chick.”** Robin declared, raising a tentacle. Isaac snorted. “I’ll take that bet. I refuse to believe this planet is that fucking _derivative._ What next, we meet fucking Ains-“ Isaac’s eyes narrowed. “Wait a minute-“

“ _Anyway.”_ Zimri hissed out. “We don’t know where he is. As a result, we’re going for his son-“

“Is his name Mordred?” Isaac asked, barely supressing a giggle, before pausing. “Wait, we’re going after the dude’s family? Isn’t that kinda-“ He twirled a finger in the air. “China-ish?”

“What- what does China have to do with-“She shook her head. “I refuse to tell you his name. We’ve been veering off topic more than enough-“

“Fuck, it’s totally Mordred, isn’t it? Robin, dear, I want to back out of our little bet-“

“ **No take-backsies, dear.”** Robin answered.

“Back. On. Topic.” Zimri forced out. “We’re not _going after_ his son. We’re just going to get him, pick his brain to find out where his father is-“

“We’re going to torture political dissidents?!” Anri sputtered out.

“What? No!” Where were they _getting_ these ideas? “The same machine we use for brain scanning allows us to pick out specific memories and information-“

“Oh god.” Anri pulled at her hair. “Are you telling me that you know all my deepest, darkest secrets?”

“ _Of course we do.”_ Iris commented. “ _We store literally your entire self as data. What makes you think I wouldn’t be able to read your life like an open book?”_ After a paused, she added- “ _Other than the fact I would die of boredom, of course.”_

“Why, is that a problem?” Zimri asked. “We only read your memories for the purpose of ensuring stability on cloning- other crewmembers can’t access them unless you give them permission. As the- Acting Captain, Iris can read them, but, well..”

“ _I would prefer burning the entire Persistence with Hellfire to reading through one of your pointless lives.”_

”That.” Zimri finished, lamely.

“ _Look, just get Mordred, and I’ll pull the info we need. Any questions? No? Good.”_

Anri looked uncomfortable- but shrugged.

Isaac brought up his hand. “Do we get pet dragons?” Robin nodded, leaning in for the answer.

Zimri let out an exasperated groan and cradled her head in her hands.

_

“So- you can just pull things from people’s brains?” Anri’s eyes narrowed. “Can you put things in too?”

Zimri nodded her head. “Oh, absolutely.” She answered, as she leaned on the stone wall.

They had a fair bit of time before the guard changed and they started their ‘infiltration’, though calling it that was- a bit of an exaggeration. Robin and Anri weren’t exactly stealthy.

“We can implement basic knowledge. Names, places, without too much trouble.” Zimri recited. “Skills are- a lot harder. There’s some basic outlines, but they usually don’t go too in depth. More detailed ones, that give you the instincts along with the knowledge, require implementation of- memories? I think? They lead to some personality changes.” With a grin, she added. “Most skills still have to be earned, since people aren’t willing to undergo unnecessary changes, but learning is much faster thanks to information implants. I had to work to get good at Security.” She finished, a smile on her face.

“So-“Anri asked, nervously. “You could implant false beliefs? Make us believe things we didn’t-?”

“Well, yes.” Zimri answered. “Though it’s generally something we avoid. It’s better to just change the brain itself and adjust the digitized structure to make the person come to the right conclusions themselves. Fixing the person is preferable to fixing the beliefs themselves.”

“Zimri.” She breathed. “That is _fucked up._ Your government- _you,_ brainwash people.”

“Fix them.” Zimri muttered, idly. Really, it wasn’t fun having to wait for the guard to change.

Isaac shrugged. “Hey, if it could be done through therapy given enough time, what’s the harm in just- doing it? End result is the same.”

Zimri nodded as she rechecked the aerial view. “Yes- the Company always goes for the minimum necessary changes.”

Anri blanched. “You’re ruled by a fucking Corporation?!”

“Oh, no, we just call it that. It arose out of a biotech company after the Sun went supernova, and nobody bothered to change the name.” Zimri shrugged. “It works.”

“ **Eh, I don’t see the problem, Anri. It’s not like they’ve done it to us. Only people who get their brains picked are the bad guys.”** Robin pointed out.

Anri opened her mouth for a brief moment- “Huh.” She scratched her chin. “That’s true. I trust you and Serena.”

Zimri shrugged. “It’s not like we go in with a scalpel. We aren’t primitives. AIs usually carry out all the required actions. Brain surgery isn’t something you can trust to an imperfect human.”

Anri was quiet, for a brief moment. “Fuck it.” She concluded. “Isn’t like I can do shit if you turn me into a fucking weeb-“

“ **You’ve always been weeb trash, Anri.”** Robin rumbled out.

“Fuck, they’ve already started corrupting us~” Anri said despairingly, with acting that would have probably been impressive in a kindergarten play. “You guys, run while you can!”

Isaac snorted.

“Ugh.” Anri rolled her shoulders. “So…”

The conversation died.

Zimri idly tapped the floor with one boot of her Erebus suit. The archers weren’t going to be a threat- they were mundane, and regular old arrows couldn’t do much to any of them. The regular old guard weren’t a threat either- wait a minute.

“Iris.” Zimri asked. “Why _are_ we waiting?”

“ _Calculations showed it was necessary for you to clear your stupid teammate’s doubts.”_ The AI declared, smugly, even as Anri shot the sky a furious glare. “ _The guards you will avoid by doing this won’t be able to scratch you, even with you using less-than-lethal force, and Mordred’s personal guard? I have no idea when they leave her side.”_

“ **Oh god. She’s already manipulating us.”** Robin muttered, mild amusement in her voice. “ **Goddess of the Dark, have mercy~”**

**“** _No.”_

Isaac yawned. “So. Can we go do this thing already? I’ve got a bottle of Vodka with my name on it-“

“ **You don’t even drink that much.”** Robin pointed out. “ **You just want to head back and read comics.”**

“Shut up.” Isaac grumbled. “Alcoholism is a personality trait.”

_

“There is no such thing.” Zimri hissed, as she slammed her shoulder into the massive double doors- which held, unsurprisingly. “As a _non-lethal_ gunshot! Even _with_ the healing factors you guys had from the blob-! How do you not know this?!”

“Look, Zimri-“Anri brought her hands up in a placating gesture. “I shot him in the leg! That’s what they do in the movies!”

“Has a good chance of hitting an artery.” Isaac grumbled. “ _Honestly._ If it hit a bone, we’d have been held up for even longer.”

“ **Yeah, what my boyfriend said.”** Robin agreed. “ **Guns are always lethal, don’t point at thing you don’t want to destroy.”** She shrugged as she slammed a tentacle into the door, spearing right through it. “ **Really, stick to the whole Knight thing when fighting humans, at least for now. You _seriously_ need a gun safety-“**

Robin flew backwards as a massive claw blew the massive doors open.

Well. They’d found Mordred.

“Iris.” Isaac hissed, as he backpedalled, drawing his revolver. “It is of _critical_ importance that you tell me whether or not Mordred is actually a dude.”

“ _Shut it.”_ Iris responded, as the massive red dragon, rode by a blonde, clean shaven, somewhat effeminate knight barged into the corridor. Why _did_ Mordred wear plate armor, but forgo the helmet? Zimri couldn’t see why he’d choose to leave himself vulnerable to shots to the head-

Zimri let out a huff as she found herself tackled to the floor by one of the bodyguards. Which one was this?

Honestly, she couldn’t recall. One of the fancy-looking Knights in full plate. Zimri teleported three feet directly forward as his blade slammed down where she was- and felt Iris’ power envelop her, her pulse quickening, her limbs growing lighter.

The Dragon let out a breath- and Isaac was on fire. Great.

“You know, Iris.” Zimri muttered, as she slammed her Harvester into the back of the Knight’s head, and the bulky guy promptly dropped like a sack of bricks. “We _really_ could have used your physical presence here. It would have made things a lot easier.”

“ _I’m a busy God, Zimri.”_ Iris replied. “ _Can’t expect me to help you serfs with everything.”_ Zimri rolled her eyes as she _just_ backed out of the way of Mordred’s swing, his- what even _was_ that? It looked like a big stick with an entire sword on the end- slammed into the concrete.

Isaac continued to roll on the ground, desperately putting out his smouldering coat, even as Zimri backed off. This was- problematic.

The Dragon was _big_. At least bear-sized. Big enough to make going for the master impossible, but small enough to be manoeuvrable and capable of fighting in these halls. Robin stood- before _blurring_ , and the Dragon recoiled as Robin’s tentacles slammed into it, faster than the eye could see.

Time dilation. Well, if there was any time to use it- Zimri prepped her own module, the silvery orb revolving around her hand- before it popped, as an _obscene_ amount of electricity fried her HUD.

“Merlin!” Mordred cried, in a voice that was surprisingly shrill. “You must escape! Warn father-!”

“Holy fucking shit, it really is a shameless ripoff!” Anri cackled, as her own lightning met the Wizard’s elemental outburst- and was found hilariously, pitifully wanting.

Of course, the Lightning bolt that actually _hit_ Anri failed to do much thanks to her Dielectric Capacitance CBM, but she still looked surprisingly unimpressive.

“Fuck!” Isaac growled, as he staggered to his feet. “The weebs have won.”

Robin turned to face him. “ **You owe me fifty bucks, hubby-“** She was cut off as a set of gauntleted fingers wrapped around her neck, and she found herself staring into the eyes of Mordred Pendragon, ‘son’ of Arthur Pendragon-

“Any last words-“Mordred bellowed, readying his stupid spear-sword weapon, only to choke as a tentacle slapped him in the side of the face, and he toppled off his dragon with a soft ‘oof’.

The Dragon caught one of said tentacles in its mouth as Robin fell off it- and chomped.

Zimri winced. That didn’t look too good.

Still, it being busy allowed her to get around it, and slam her riot baton down on its neck- electricity crackled as enough power to knock out an elephant coursed through the Dragon-

Accomplishing absolutely nothing. “Shit.” Zimri muttered, before the Dragon took _flight._

She looked up to the roof with the dawning realization that she was about to be used to scratch the back of a dragon.

Which was, at the very least, kind of cool.

_

Zimri blinked as she opened her eyes. She’d- felt it. Her spine, her skull- ugh.

“ _I really didn’t expect you to be the first to go down._ ” Iris cheerfully commented, as she stepped out of the cloner in her original, normal body. “ _I expected the idiot to die first, honestly.”_

It- didn’t hurt as bad as it had the first dozen times. She shook her head. “What? Is the mission a failure?”

“ _No.”_ Iris answered. Zimri’s frown deepened. “ _Sure, you pathetic wastes of oxygen went and fucked up, but chances are Mordred will go fly his Dragon straight to old Daddy, and we’ll find the maggot anyway. And even if we don’t-“_ She let out a non-committal hum. “ _I learnt a fair bit about dragons in that little encounter, thanks to good old God-vision. I should be able to equip you with non-lethal munitions for it. Still more efficient than me actually manifesting a body and using it to full combat potential. That’s very, very resource intensive. Might do it after I’m done uplifting these morons.”_

“Right.” Zimri muttered. That was- comforting. “How are the others doing?”

“ _Oh, they stand no chance of taking out the Dragon non-lethally. I’m having them pull out. I have to admit, it is hilarious to watch Robin outrun a dragon- I think Robin caught fire. Is that- oh, the stupid mutant uses that kind of time-acceleration. What a moron.”_

Zimri shook her head, and headed straight for the teleporter. The lounge seemed like a nice idea.

_

“-we can’t execute your father, no.” Serena explained, patiently. She gave Zimri a tired smile as she came in, before turning back to Anastasia.

“He tried to _sacrifice_ me! Twice!” The Princess complained.

“But it isn’t _ethical_.” Serena stressed. “Punishments go against the very concepts our society was built on. Basic Moral Standards state that people are all, fundamentally, just lumps of flesh piloted by electrical impulses, so whether or not they’re evil are just based on flaws with the flesh and electricity. Since those can be rectified-“

“That’s stupid!” Anastasia complained. “Besides, Anri told me that you guys killed the Bright God! How does that not count?”

“ _Anri.”_ Serena answered. “Doesn’t know about Basic Moral Standards. Besides- Basic Moral Standards allow for termination of individuals if necessary for the protection of others. It’s just that it isn’t _necessary_ here. We were able to get your father fixed. The problem is solved.”

“People have to be punished for their crimes! You can’t just let the- the _lower class_ get away with things, or they won’t learn to respect their betters-”

Ah, Ethics 101, with a little dose of Noble’s disconnect from reality. Zimri tuned out their discussion as she filled her cup of coffee, making her way over to sit next to Defender.

“Having a good time?” She asked, sipping on her- nope. Hot. Live for eighty years, and you continue to try to shotgun coffee while it’s still scalding. Joy.

Defender let out a furious hiss as her rhythmic button presses were subtly thrown off by Zimri’s arrival, only for the laptop to let out an annoyed buzz. She leaned back with a sigh. “Yes. These- ‘video games’ are decent. A complete waste of time, of course, but strangely entertaining, regardless.” She shot Zimri a sideways glance. “Don’t tell Anri I said that. She’ll never let me live it down.”

“Okay.” Zimri answered. She could see the appeal. It was always recommended by the people who were millennia old- go through the old media first. If you went through the new stuff right away, it was hard to go back to flatscreen content without one-to-one inputs.

Defender didn’t bother going for another try on whatever she was playing. “Guessing you guys didn’t get Mordred?”

Zimri nodded. “The Dragon was too strong, and our plan was literally just to walk in and beat him down.” She shrugged. “Didn’t work, oh well.”

“Hm.” Defender let out a sigh. “Oh well. That just means we’ll have a tougher fight ahead of us. Why _did_ you go without me, anyway?”

“ _I thought these incompetents could handle it.”_ Iris chimed in. “ _Unsurprisingly, they couldn’t.”_

Zimri rolled her eyes. “Thought we had it. Probably would have helped to have another person with a brain on the team.”

“True.”

They fell silent once more, listening to Serena go over the finer points of Basic Moral Standards with Anastasia. It was- interesting, to hear her educate a person who was basically millennia behind them.

Robin and Isaac were millennia behind them too, now that she thought about it-

“How do you understand our language, then, if you are from another world?” The Princess asked.

Serena froze. “Actually, now that I think about it, that’s a very good question-“

“ _It’s me doing translation.”_ Iris answered. “ _Dark Lord was doing it earlier, tome had the spell on it. I just spread it to all of you.”_

Huh. Well that was a suitably mundane answer to that question.

Zimri now thought that an AI goddess translating the speech of natives of a fantasy-world was _normal._ This, she realised, probably did not reflect well on her standards for what _was_ normal.

_


	8. Chapter 8

“Alright, so Arthur is probably going to turn out to be the wielder of Excalibur, and also a lady-“ Anri declared, with complete and utter conviction-

“Anri’s- random theories aside…” Zimri shook her head. “ _How_ did you manage to capture Mordred? We were losing pretty badly-“

Robin shrugged. “ **Turns out not wearing a helmet in a fight is a really, really stupid idea. I just slapped the guy.”**

Well- it did save them a fair bit of time. Zimri shrugged. “Alright then.”

“ _I have to admit, I’m proud of you.”_ Iris declared. “ _I’ll be sure to give you a nice pat on the head~”_

“INCENTIVES WILL BE AWARDED FOR EXCELLENT SERVICE.” Melchior agreed.

Robin positively _preened_ under the praise.

Defender let out a low chuckle. “Well, that saves us some time.”

That it did.

_

Mordred staggered out of the operating theatre as they pored over the data, and slumped into a chair, glaring at them.

“Right, Arthur is in the Caves of Jormungand-“ Zimri muttered.

Isaac’s eyes narrowed. “ _Really_? We’re adding in Nordic mythology now? We’ve got the weebs, we’ve got generic ass fantasy, we’ve got King Arthur-“

“You could have just _told_ us your intentions!” Mordred hissed out.

Anri gave the Lord a _look_. “Wait. Zimri. Don’t tell me you _brainwashed_ them!”

Zimri rolled her eyes. “I’m sure Iris didn’t make any big changes.”

Iris let out a beep of assent. “ _I just added in information regarding our intents and plans. Mordred is reasonable. He understands.”_

“ **Look, brainwashing aside-“** Robin shook his head. “ **Is Mordred a chick?”**

Mordred blushed, glaring at Robin- “ _What-“_ He hissed out.

“ _Patient-Client confidentiality.”_ Iris answered. “ _Really. You people shouldn’t be trying to violate the privacy of your fellow maggots.”_

Zimri nodded her head. “Yes. Why _are_ you being so- strange about it?”

Anri brought her hands up, placating. “Look, Zim. I just wanna know if we’re in Fate, okay? I don’t want to get blindsided by reproduction based mana transfers, or _lolis.”_ She hissed that last word out with particular venom.

Robin nodded his head. “ **Yeah. I don’t wanna be in fucking Fate. Fighting magic-people is already hard enough, fighting people moving faster than the speed of sound? Fuck that.”**

Zimri shook her head. “What, exactly, is ‘Fate’-“

“You calling me a _girl?”_ Mordred hissed out. “Say that to my sword-“

“Oh god.” Isaac let out a groan. “We’re totally in Fate, aren’t we?”

Zimri rubbed her forehead. “Look.” She addressed Mordred. “I’m sorry about them- they haven’t been a part of civilized society for- a while.”

Mordred shot her a glare, but settled down- his shoulders relaxing. “You should not allow your subordinates to run wild.” He snorted.

Zimri shrugged. She wasn’t sure _why_ the- well. The twenty-first Century people were so obsessed with Mordred’s biological gender. It wasn’t like that kind of thing couldn’t change at the drop of a hat. If Mordred said he was a man, Mordred was a man.

Maybe this was just one of those social problems that got dealt with over the course of the millennia?

“Anyway.” Zimri said. “We need to capture your father, to convince him like we convinced you-“

Mordred’s eyes narrowed. “Why can’t I just go convince him? I’m his _son_.” She shot Anri and Robin, who were engaged in heated discussion, a glare, before turning back to Zimri. “He should listen.”

Zimri scratched at the back of her head. “ _Will_ he though? I mean- from his perspective, his ‘God’ vanished for a bit, before coming back with the servants of his mortal enemy in tow. And right after that, people began to abruptly undergo massive personality or attitude changes, even as said God started stripping his social class of power.” She shrugged. “He might just think we’ve done something to you- and he isn’t _wrong_ , but- well. We might be able to convince him, but time is of the essence.”

“ _Exactly._ ” Iris agreed. “ _Every second, a non-zero number of people die. Time spent negotiating with your father while he retains control over his resources and land is time spent not bringing an end to death.”_

Mordred paused, as the new information flowed through him. Zimri waited patiently. She knew how it felt- it was strange having digitally installed information run through your head, disconnected from any real ‘learning experience.’ “Tch.” Mordred turned his head to the side, a frown on his face. “Still, I would prefer to come with you. I would- prefer you not hurt him too much.”

Anri and Robin’s frenzied discussion came to a halt. “Wait.” Anri asked. “You _don’t_ hate your dad?”

Mordred stared at them, before turning back to Zimri. “Well? What do you say?”

“Look, I don’t know. Nobody understands the fucking Fate timeline! We could still be anywhere from super to ultra fucked!”

“I- suppose?” Zimri muttered.

“ _There should be no problem.”_ Iris spoke. “ _I’ve already scanned Mordred in. My data capacity is rapidly increasing- who knew that combining magic, science, and the pinnacle of evolution would make me all-powerful?”_

Oh, then- there really was no problem, was there? With no risk of permanent death-“In that case, welcome to the team!” Zimri answered, a grin on her face, exchanging a firm handshake with the Lord.

“ **Look.”** Robin declared. “ **I’m just saying, if Merlin starts giving people magic dicks-“**

There was something seriously wrong with the twenty-first century.

_

The Caves were- well. Big was definitely a way to describe the entrance, though it failed to really convey just how _intimidating_ it was to look down into the caves, lit faintly and sporadically by luminescent veins running through the rock.

“Teleportation magic?” Mordred grinned. “Impressive! I knew The Bright Goddess was powerful, but this-“

“It’s _science.”_ Zimri asserted, perhaps a tad more forcefully than was strictly necessary. “Not _magic._ ”

“Of course, whatever it is.” He dismissed.

“ **So.”** Robin asked. “ **How- exactly, do we plan to deal with Saber- I mean, Arthur?”**

Mordred’s Dragon let out a questioning huff- wait.

“Mordred.” Zimri hissed. “When, exactly, did your dragon get here?”

He shrugged. “Avalon and me are bound by blood. No matter the distance, we may always find each other-“

“You named your dragon.” Isaac flatly stated. “ _Avalon._ Like- the island.”

Mordred blushed. “I thought it was cool, okay?”

“The universe is shitting on me.” Isaac muttered, as Anri abruptly froze, before promptly averting her gaze.

Was that- Bone-daddy, on the Dragon’s back? Zimri shook her head. How- it didn’t matter. She gave Ramirez a nod, and the Zombie trundled ahead- seemingly stumbling blindly, yet completely alert, its bionics providing it with nearly flawless night vision.

Somewhere in this cave was Arthur Pendragon, his two Dragons, and probably some other absurd, horrifying thing none of them could predict. Fortunately- Defender was here, alongside them. Anri was here. Robin was here. Isaac was here.

Together, they could deal with anything they found in the cave.

_

He was- resplendent. Beautiful, clad in blue, gold and white armor, wearing a helmet he pulled off the moment he saw his son, revealing a handsome face, spotted with stubble which promptly threw Robin and Anri into a frantic argument.

Arthur Pendragon shrugged. “That makes sense, I suppose. I shall submit to the regime.”

Zimri blinked. “Wait, really? Just like that?”

Arthur’s eyes snapped to her. Zimri felt like she was being judged by a being greater than her, wiser than her, _mightier_ than her. His cold, blue, eyes held a strange weight to them- made stranger by the fact that she was probably older than him.

“Of course.” Arthur responded, emotionlessly. “You have already taken my son. I am unwilling to risk losing more of him. He is all I value, and if he sides with you-” He shook his head. “I cannot raise my hand against the one I love most.”

“Daaaad.” Mordred whined, embarrassed.

Well. That was. Very convenient?

“If it turns out his soul is lost, or he is dead and replaced, your suffering will be eternal.” Arthur continued, in the same dead voice.

“Right.” Zimri agreed, even as Mordred tried to protest. “Well, in that case, our work here is done-“

“ **Look.”** Robin hissed. “ **If Merlin can give Arturia a magic dick to have kids with, he can give her a beard! It’s possible! I’m still in the game!”**

“Your compatriots do not inspire confidence.” Arthur commented. “Should my son degrade to such a state of idiocy, I shall put him, and thereafter myself, out of our collective misery.”

Zimri narrowed her eyes. That sounded- worrying. Mordred _was_ giggling though- and enhanced vision showed that Arthur’s lips had angled _slightly_ upwards- a joke, maybe? Hopefully?

_

“Alright, that’s bullshit.” Anri grumbled. “I expected waifus and a good fight, and all I got was-“ She stuck out her tongue. “ _Father son bonding.”_

“Speak of what you saw within the caves of Jormungand, and I will grant you a true, permanent death.” Mordred hissed.

“And why the fuck are _you_ still here?” She practically yelled. They got a few filthy looks from the nobles they passed- but all refrained from passing a comment. The Golems Iris had created saluted them as they passed- though Zimri could have sworn she saw some of them flipping her the bird, though they always were at attention when she tried to check.

“Since my father is immortal, I need not concern myself with succeeding him.” Mordred cheerfully explained. “With the burden lifted, I may focus on me and Avalon’s true passions!“The Dragon let out a cheerful trill.

“That is _not_ how the Arthurian legend went.” Isaac grumbled.

“ **Or the H-game.”** Robin added. “ **It’s bullshit.”**

“I know, right?” Isaac complained. “Like _come on._ That dude was way too hot to be a dude.”

“ **You saying a dude can’t be hot? You do realise I’m usually a dude, right?”**

“You don’t count, I’m Robinsexual. Everything else is just extra.”

“ **Damn right it is.”**

Zimri let out a sigh as she entered the throne room- “Shouldn’t you lot be happy about this? We have another person obsessed with violence on the team.”

“I am not obsessed with violence.” Mordred protested. “I simply enjoy it. The thrill of battle-“

“That isn’t how _chemistry_ works, Zimri.” Anri complained. “If people are similar and agree on things, their conversations are about as interesting as watching _paint dry._ Mordred is just a worse version of me!”

Mordred recoiled in disgust. “I resent that implication. Unlike you, I possess the ability to think before I speak.”

“Eat a dick.”

Robin leaned over to Isaac. “ **They’re going to be boning by the time we next jump dimensions.”**

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Wow, really? No way. I give them until next week.”

“ _Fourty one days.”_ Iris declared, with complete certainty, her incandescent form blotting out much of the room.

Honestly, it was a little too bright.

As if sensing Zimri’s discomfort, Iris’ godly ‘body’ dimmed, revealing a nearly humanoid form composed of pure light. “ _Regardless.”_ Iris’ voice carried with it a strange sort of reverb- perhaps a product of the body she was using- “ _Yeah, you maggots did good work. Honestly, I didn’t expect Arthur to be so reasonable.”_ There was a brief pause. “ _That’s a lie, I did. After we got Mordred on-side, this was the only possible outcome.”_

“Right.” Zimri nodded. “So- now what?”

There was a brief pause.

Iris remained silent.

Wait- really.

“ _Honestly, there is literally nothing I can use you idiots for at this point.”_

“ _Excuse me?!”_ Mordred shot the goddess a glare. “But-“

“ _Look.”_ Iris’ crystalline eyes glared at him. “ _Literally all the work I have left is going through paperwork, expanding storage capacity, and distribution of food. I won’t be doing any conquering until we get backup from home, and you people will be less than no help when the actual military arrives.”_

Mordred seemed to shrink in on himself. “Oh.” Zimri gave him a hopefully comforting pat on the back.

“ _Oh. Right. Our trail is cold.”_

Zimri froze. That meant-

“ _That doesn’t mean we need to move on, though.”_

“Why?!” Defender hissed, stepping forward. “We need to- _I_ need to-“

“ _Interdimensional communication is instant. I’ve passed on the data- The Corporation will be moving on your dimension. Within a week, a Fleet will have begun an Uplift Program.”_ Iris interrupted. “ _You would be able to contribute- nothing. Transporting you would require use of the Persistence, reducing my governing effectiveness to a noticeable degree, resulting in a non-zero number of deaths.”_

For the briefest moment Defender looked like she’d protest- before she slumped. “That- that makes sense. But the moment my family-”

“ _Of course. Establishing communications will be easy, and we’ll bring you to them, or them to you, once we have more ships in system.”_ Iris’ eyes narrowed. “ _The chances of anything happening within the next few weeks, before the Military arrives and uplifts the entire planet, rendering any aid you could offer pointless, is miniscule._

_Honestly, you lot should just fuck off and go have fun. Your adventures are over.”_

_

 **“What kind of fucking _ending_ is that?”** Robin hissed. “ **We made a new friend, then all our problems got solved by the authorities? Seriously?”**

Zimri shrugged. “I mean- you don’t have to write an entirely _accurate_ accounting of the events. Embellish them a bit. The most boring biographies I’ve read are the ones that stick purely to non-fiction. It isn’t like people can’t just check these things.”

Robin threw her tentacles up in the air. “ **How the hell can I embellish this into a good conclusion? I’d have to make up an entire third Act, where we go to Defender’s dimension, and do a bunch of other shit, _none_ of which would make _sense!”_**

“True.” Zimri agreed. “But I think you’re overestimating how much attention readers will pay to things like that. Didn’t you mention you made up some character drama which didn’t really work thematically and put it in the first book?”

“ **Well, yeah, but that was _bad_. It didn’t fit in and felt shoehorned in because it _was_ shoehorned in.”**

“Maybe you could write about the Arena fights? Or about Mordred and Defender getting together?”

“ **Ugh. Then I’d have to write and develop a bunch of characters, and write a completely unnecessary amount of fight scenes.”** Robin scratched the underside of her chin. “ **And I have _no idea_ how those two got together. I don’t remember seeing them talk _once,_ and suddenly they’re together? The fuck?”**

Zimri considered arguing that point- but Robin wasn’t _wrong._ How _had_ those two gotten together? Last she remembered, the two were having an enthusiastic discussion about theology, then suddenly they were _dating?_ “What do you mean? You fought actual _people_ in the tournaments.”

“ **Well, yeah. But I don’t know their tragic backstories or motivations. Chances are they were just competing for _fun._ When you’re immortal and all your needs are taken care of, you can do shit like that. Not much room for interesting character drama without making up a bunch of characters, and I’ve already got so _many_ of them.”**

“Maybe you could cut Mordred out?” Zimri suggested. “Might make the whole thing wrap up more tidily.”

“ **But Mordred is _cool_.” **Robin complained. “ **And if I cut him out of this story, and end up writing a sequel- it would be weird to have Defender just get a love interest out of nowhere!”**

Zimri shrugged. That was true. It would be weird. If he did write a sequel, a time-skip would justify the two getting together, and it would be funny, considering how it would be the complete opposite of what everyone had expected.

“ **Besides, there are a bunch of plot threads that still haven’t been tied up! Why were you guys cloned? What happens to Anastasia? Does Defender get to meet her family? Does Iris finally go crazy?”**

 **“** A clerical error, she’s been adopted by Serena, yes, and no.” Zimri answered. “Isn’t that hard.”

“ **Zimri.”** Robin hissed. “ **I can’t just say ‘oh yeah, all these things happened’ and end the fucking story. I need to write scenes for those things, I need to connect them to everything else that happens in the story. Can you imagine how anticlimactic it would be if I just said ‘everything’s fine, all the good things happened, thanks, story is over’?”**

Zimri nodded her head, thoughtfully. “You’re right. That would be a really stupid way to end things.”

_


End file.
